Serenity

I'm learning more and more, as life speeds on by, that I'm in no way, "in control" of my life. At times, I've liked to think, that life was going "the way I wanted it to go." These days, I realize more and more, that's not the way things go.

With my Dad's ongoing illness, moving to my hometown for nearly 2 years, and really letting all control of my life go...well you realize these things. Sometimes without realizing it. But at the same time, not really fighting to keep that tight control.

I can't remember the last time, I slept in. Or went to my home. That once short, 3 hour drive, seems like an entire lifetime ago. My quiet, well "put together" and simple home, is a distant memory. I think the last time I was home, was back in November. And playing and singing, gosh, it's been months since I last performed. You know, a real gig.

But these are things that I'm willing to sacrifice. I'm realizing more and more, with each passing day, that this is my life. My parents were older when I was born. My Dad was 50 years old! And it never bothered me. I never noticed those things. Until the bottom fell out. And my Dad got sick. And mi abuelita was put in a nursing home. And mi abuelito past away. Then life hit me. Smack in the middle of a shift in the PICU. I realized, I'm just one little piece to this complicated puzzle. A puzzle, were every single piece is needed.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer was one, that sat in mi abuelita's kitchen for years. I can still see the little plaque. Made of wood, with black lettering, and the most simple gold designs. I'd read it over and over again, while waiting for breakfast. At the time, I never quite understood the words. What they meant. Or how much, I was going to have to really trust in a higher being. But now I do.

Serenity: the state or quality of being calm or tranquil. There were times in my life, when I could describe my own life, as being serene. When the craziest things I dealt with, were tuition payments, final exams, and the constant schedule of gigs. I've heard others describe me, as being a serene person. Especially during my round in the emergency room.

I don't know if I could ever really consider myself a serene person. One that was really calm, inside and out. I bottle much of my emotions up. I hold people at arms length. I only let so much of my true self, out. But I'm learning more and more, about my positives. About my true calmness. My character.

This has really hit home as of late. After an amazing day yesterday, one that I had not expected, the bottom fell out again. But we're still trucking along here. What else can we do? Put a smile on, crank up 89.1, and enjoy a bowl of chili and beans. I guess that's another lesson mi abuelita taught me along the way. :)

♥Besitos

First Love...Not That Kind of Love...

I'm knee deep in orders. Of the crochet kind. We have a Craft Fair coming up soon. And I just can't keep up. Not to mention, the 10 babies coming in the next month. I know! Between my friends and family, it just never ends...

But this little set, has been requested. And I might have spent 2 days, at work, searching for this pattern. Yes, between patients. And rounds. Occasionally, while on the elevator. :)

I finally found the pattern. And made sure to save it. To 5 different devices. This was nuts! And websites, they irritate me to death. Once they publish a pattern online, I think it should be made available forever. Maybe that's just me...complaining. But that's that.

I'm just happy to have a pattern. And at least 1 week, to finish this order. Cross your fingers and your toes, that everything else in my life, goes as smoothly. It's been a tough week around here. Please keep my Dad in your prayers. He needs it...

 ♥Besitos

Polkas

I was thinking about this today. My grandma taught me how to dance a polka when I was small. Like 3 or 4 years old. It was her thing. Her dance. Something that at every single party, she and my uncle would dance. The faster, the better. In her book anyway.

Me, I've had 1 good polka partner in my life. Zo, my best friend. He cracks me up! But he is such a good dancer. I think we just grew up around it. Going to fiestas, parties, etc. That's why we were good at it. But other people, wow! It's like they've never danced a day in their lives! They can't figure out the rhythm. Or the steps.

So I have a question. Was it just in my family, that we were taught how to dance as young kids? I mean they didn't teach us step by step. We just learned. Picked it up on our own. You know, it came naturally. Which I think, most Latinos would agree. it just happens.

One day, I was just dancing a cumbia. No one taught me. I just knew. My hips, my feet, every part of me just knew what to do. And now, I dance all the time. To a HUGE variety of music. It was natural. Something that we were taught. But also something that came from inside. I'm yet to meet a Latino that doesn't know how to dance. ♥Besitos

Mi Cucu

Mi Cucu...or how I came to know it as a small girl..."Don't Mess with My Tutu." I don't even know who the recording was by. All I can remember is, a man sang the song. And I swear to you, it was a country western song. But it was mine song, because my grandma said so. I know. Weird choice for a 3 year old. But there you go.

I would go around my grandparents' house singing and dancing to this song. For hours...even days! I was a bit of a dorky kid. But this was my song. I'm pretty sure that the recording that they had was by a country singer. But don't quote me on that.

Then I got older. And I became a musician. And my good friend and fellow musician so, he had a wise idea. I should sing this song in spanish. Hello! We were already jamming to "Who Let the Dogs Out." So there you go. My song came to life again. Can you tell we had A LOT of fun at work?

Funny how those things happen. Then I became known for this song! It was so weird. And in every Mariachi I've ever played in, I've had to sing this song. And then it crossed over, to the other genres of music that I perform. I think my dancing skills also add to the fun of this song. :)

The crazy thing is, I still like going to my grandparents house and listening to the 8-track recording. Yes, I told you it was old! The label has fallen off. And I have no idea who recorded it. But it brings back so many memories.

I don't know why I woke up thinking about this song. But I did. Go figure! But I found this video and had it playing as I got ready this morning. A bit weird. But I enjoyed it. It's definitely a fun song to dance to. Too bad I'm here alone. With no dance partner...AGAIN!

Now, I need to go get ready for my niece's birthday party. Yes, it's at a weird time...11AM. And I still need to wrap her presents. And sign her card. Oh, and drive the hour to my brother's house. Happy Saturday! ♥Besitos

Kinda Stressed Out...

So I knew it was a bad idea to get sucked into staying up north for 2 weeks. Well, close to 2 weeks. Whatever...

I came home, my entire garden was dead. So are my flowers. All expect the morning glories. I guess I'll never make it as a farmer's wife. :)

I start classes today. And I got a call at 1AM. My boss from Sin City. I need to find a guitar player in "The City Different." By Monday or something nuts like that. Remind me again, that I can't just leave for that long again. I need to remember that. And where am I going to find a guitar player? Anyone interested? 2 gigs...6 hours total...$5,000. Let me know if you can make it.

Oh, and it poured last night. Seriously! My roof is still leaking. I don't know what to do. I'm officially broke because it's the beginning of the semester. And I'm praying for some more gigs. That's the only reason I'm going up north again. Well, that's a lie. My little niece is turning 2. And I'm going to her birthday party on Saturday. I know. I'm nuts!

A good friend of mine, actually, one of the LBs is getting married. In 5 weeks! And another good friend is getting married in Sin City in a month. I just agreed to go sing for that wedding. Don't forget...my best friend is also having a baby. In less than 2 months. I'm planning the baby shower. Which is across the country. I know. I'm nuts! Can I possibly agree to anything else?

On a good note, I'm home. I slept in my own bed. Had privacy. A hot shower. And I'm one day closer to graduating. Weird thing...I've been dreaming about this one guy. I met him when I first started college. We never really talked. But I liked him. For about a month now, I've been dreaming about him. I think it's a little weird. But I think it's because I seen him about a month ago...

Now I need to get my butt going. I have to walk to school. We're not going to get into that. But I will say this, at least it keeps me in shape. I'm going to need it. I'm going back to "The City Different" in about a week. And I need to be all dressed in heels and everything. Running up and down hills. The joys of being a mujer! ♥Besitos

Yum!

This my friends, is one of my favorite "Mom and Pop," "hole in the wall" restaurants that I love! Doesn't hurt that I grew up less than 5 minutes away. Heck, it's about a 2 minute drive from my parent's house.



Just looking at this picture makes me hungry. For a tortilla burger. Or chicharrones. Even huevos rancheros. And I don't like breakfast. But this breakfast is amazing!



Just look at that plate! It makes me so hungry. Yes, I like to go eat there. After a yummy breakfast, you can walk across the street and spend a few hours at the Cultural Center. Which I love too! There may or may not be some pictures of me and my family there too... :)

But this is definitely one of my favorite places to eat. It just screams home to me. Probably because I have so many great memories of the place. I love going with my parents. And with my friends. We like to eat outside. We tend to be a little loud when we get together. Then we'd head down the road to a local music shop. Or head out to play gigs. Heck, I remember a handful of times my friends and I would go to the Zoo after a yummy breakfast.

And if you don't believe me, the place is always packed! During the week, business men come in, wearing their suits and ties. And a bib! You gotta make sure you don't get the chili on your work clothes. On Saturday mornings, the line is out the door. No lie! Those are probably the only mornings I get up early. Just to go have a chicharron and bean burrito. ♥Besitos

The City Different

Today, my parents and I decided to head up north. My Mom needed to get away. And we had heard that the Indian Market was happening this weekend. So after church and breakfast, we headed north.

An hour later, my Mom and I were trying to find a parking. There were so many people in town. We hadn't forgot about the Church Celebration. But we didn't think that there would be that many people there.

My Dad's leg is still bothering him. So we met up with him and walked him to the Plaza. Where he sat and watched people while my Mom and I looked around. We did a little bit of shopping not much. Just a few things for my best friend's baby girl. Who will be here before we know it! And my mom bought me a little jewelry box. Mostly, we just enjoyed looking at all the shops. And getting so many ideas for our upcoming Craft Fair.

By the time we got back to my Dad, he had found some good entertainment. "Balloon Man." If you live in the area, do you know him? He was...well, let's say, he was different. And interesting. But the kids enjoyed all the balloons he made them. One little girl was fascinated by him. And walked away with about 5 different balloon animals and flowers.

It was hot day though. And we were hungry. Honestly, we couldn't decide between the Fajita tacos and ice cream. But the heat won out. And we decided on some ice cream. You have to try the pineapple coconut. It's delicious! It tastes just like a Pina Colada. :) Although, it is a very soft ice cream. And almost immediately, the scoop fell over. And I had a ice cream cone in a cup. A little messy. But delicious! I don't know the name of the place. But it's the only ice cream shop in the main plaza.

We also managed to see the church precession. Which was very nice. And it was nice to just get out and see something new. We never made it to any of the Indian Market festivities. And we only encountered one extremely rude lady. I was going to buy a bracelet. And I guess she thought I didn't understand spanish. In case I haven't mentioned it before, I'm very light complected. After she insulted me in spanish, I said screw it. I didn't need to buy her $200 bracelet. But the day was a lot of fun. I just wish we could have found some Mariachis to listen to. I've been craving some good music.

My Dad was clearly hungry by this time. It was around 5PM. So we decided to head out for some dinner. I was praying that we'd stop at Tomacita's. It happens to be one of my favorite restaurants around. But my parents were wanting to go to the Casino.

We headed back south. And maybe 45 minutes later, we were having dinner. I do believe, I was the only one that ate though. My parents were ready to gamble. And they didn't eat much. Honestly, they had little more than a salad. So while I ate, they hit the slots. We didn't stay a long time. Just a couple of hours. But we had a lot of fun.

We also ran into a cousin of mine and his girlfriend. They're were really winning. In all, I probably lost $3. Which is not bad. And I had a yummy dinner. My parents had a blast! And when we finally decided to leave, we walked out and found that it was pouring!

My Mom and I ran to the car. We still got soaked. But we laughed the entire way. And after we picked up my Dad, we got lost. Yes, between the parking lot and the Valet parking. But all was good and we made it home safely. We actually just got home a few minutes ago.

It was such a fun day. Mostly because I got to spend time with my parents. Which I don't get to do often. And I didn't have to worry about anything. That was also nice. I know that I'm heading back north in about a week. And I'm so excited! It's for work and school. But there are a few shops I want to go to. I really like the city. I honestly wish I could live there. ♥Besitos

Last Day

Today was the last day of our Church Fiestas. Is it OK to say that I was disappointed? Over the last few years, it's been hit or miss if I come. I just have had so much work at the hospital. It's tough to get away. But this year, I really wanted to be here.

First the food wasn't all that great. It was much better last year. The fact that I needed a fork and knife to cut through my sopapilla, that was a bad sign. After all, it was drenched in chili and beans. And they ran out of so much early today. Like hamburgers, burritos, and snow cones. How does that happen?

The King and Queen...along with their Court, don't work half as hard as we had to. Do you know that I had to raise over $10,000 to be the Queen? We worked hard. For months and months! This year, they wrote a letter. Yes, a letter! And the committee picked the best one.

Then this afternoon it poured. In the middle of my dinner. Rain was coming in buckets! And there was a horrible band playing. We all had to pile up under the tents, water dripping everywhere. And listening to this band. It was so bad!

What happened to Red Wine? Or any of the good music? Because they were not here. Yes, last night, The Garrapatas played. And we're not even going to get into that. Maybe another day. But the music was amazing! I even got a free CD. I didn't steal it. One of the musicians gave it to me. With a little extra note inside... But today, the entertainment was horrible!

I guess I was just disappointed in the entire thing. We did enjoy ourselves. But you can see where lots of traditions are falling to the wayside. Oh, and our good friends didn't make it either. That was one of the main reasons I came home. I just hope they are OK.

In the end, it was a 50-50 deal. But I'm glad I got to come. I spent time with my parents. I saw family, that I haven't seen in forever! And I got to see some good friends. Oh, and my Mom and I won all but 1 of our Silent Auctions. So I guess I can't complain too much! ♥Besitos

Church Parade and Fiestas

Today, my parents and my aunt and uncle were in our Church Fiesta Parade. Something I did for a while. Because I was the Fiesta Queen. And for about 5 years, I had to be in the parade. Always a lot of fun. But now, my parents are in it. Because they have an old car. And they like to go to various parades and Car Shows.

Then we went to the Fiestas. The whole reason I came home this weekend. So much fun! I still wasn't feeling 100%. But I wanted a Fiesta Burger. Still haven't met a better burger than the ones from our fiestas. My Mom and I also bet on a few things in the Silent Auction. They are so many gorgeous things!

And we listened to lots of great music! Oh, we also shared a burrito. And some popcorn. Which was so yummy! So many friends were there. And we had a great time! Did I mention the music? Ya, it was really good.

But the highlight of my day, was seeing my 2 uncles. One of which, is not doing so well. And he was really excited to see my Dad. So that was good. Then my other uncle (who lost his wife, my Auntie, in March) was so happy to just be out of the house. We really enjoyed just talking.

So tomorrow, we have mass out in the Fiesta grounds. Then another day of the fiestas. I'm pretty excited! The weather has been holding out. So far! But it's supposed to rain tomorrow. ♥Besitos

A Sad Day

I don't even know what to say. My heart is breaking. My dear Aunt past away today...

I was planning on coming down here. To my hometown. When my parents called me yesterday and told me how bad she was, I knew I had to come. I wanted to say goodbye. So I talked to Dr. S and let him know. And I was coming today.

My Mom called this morning. As I was preparing to leave. And she told me that my Aunt had died. I didn't know what to say. Or what to think. It wasn't that long ago that I had seen her. She was just 72 years old. It's a sad day for our family.

I still made the trip. And the whole way, I kept hearing this sad songs on the radio. I cried most of the way. Collin Raye's "If You Get There Before I Do" kept coming on. And I just kept thinking about my Uncle. And the song, "Temporary Home," by Carrie Underwood just brought me to tears.

By the time I got to my Uncle's house, I was so emotional. And seeing him, just made me want to cry. he was so lost! They had been married over 50 years! It makes me wonder what the next few days are going to bring. I just wish that my Uncle could have some peace. I know it's going to be really hard for him. ♥Besitos

Scared

Today was pretty scary. I was sleeping. I had, had a long shift at work. And I came home and just went to sleep. Only to wake up to a lot of noise. I freaked out. It was kind of stormy. A little scary already. But I made it to the back of my house. We're I faced a gun. Head on.

There were 2 police officers in my house. They had crawled in through a window. And that's what I had heard. Supposedly, they had been called by the mailman. He was concerned that I hadn't been picking up the mail. Which was a total lie. I bring in the mail every single time I come home. And that day, I had brought it in when I had gotten home.

I have a feeling, they were looking for my brother. I don't know why. But I just do. They searched my house. Looking for something. But I'm not sure what. Int he end, they left. The Sergeant that was with them, left his card. I think he was really worried.

They called the paramedics too. Just to make sure I was OK. Clearly, I was shaken up. Who wouldn't be. It was a scary experience. Anytime a gun is pointed at you, it's scary. I was in tears. I had no clue what was going on. It just makes me wonder, what is going on...

Now, I need to pull myself together. Everyone just left. And I need to head back to work. I'm not going to lie here, I'm still really shaken up. But I have a job and responsibilities. I just hope, nothing else crazy happens tonight. ♥Besitos

My Big Brother

Today, my oldest brother goes home. We're actually getting ready now. To go pick him up. It's weird. I'm happy, but also worried. I can't explain it. Like something is not completely right. But I'm not going to think about that. Not today.

My Dad is really excited. And my brother is going to be living at my parents' cabin for a while. It's going to be nice to have him near. And now, maybe my Dad will get some more help in the business. I know, it's a lot of work for just him and my Mom. I try my best to help, but I live over 200 miles away.

So this day, it's a mixed blessing. But I hope it's new start for my brother. A positive start. To make something better of his life. To be a better person. I guess only time will tell. But I'm still hopeful. Now, I need to go get ready for the big day. We're all heading back to my parents' house later today. ♥Besitos

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! I know, it's early in the morning. But I'm still up wrapping presents. I'm pretty sure it's tradition in my family. To wait til the last minute. I didn't. I had everything done like always. But my parents had to go shopping yesterday. On Christmas Eve!

Yes, we're at my house this year. And we went to our little mall. Which was jammed packed! And I lost my Mom. How that happened, I don't know. But we made it home. And had a great dinner. My Mom's rellenos are the best! She makes special round one for Christmas. And that is pretty much all I had for dinner. :)

This year, I'm not completely in the spirit. It's just been a tough year. But I did manage to get a Christmas tree up. And some lots around the front window. I find that to be a success this year. Most of all, I'm just happy to be with my parents. Isn't that what the holidays are all about?

Well, I better go get some sleep. Before I know it, it will be time to head to church. And then, make something yummy for breakfast. We're not the type of family that opens gifts first thing. We've never been. But it's still a very fun holiday! Feliz Navidad! ♥Besitos

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving! This is truly one of my favorite holidays all year. I like it much more than Christmas. I think it's because this holiday focuses on family. And time spent together.

My Mom and I are already hard at work with the cooking. We baked lots of pies and bread already. And "Tom the Turkey" is already in the oven. I'm so excited! I'm serious when I tell you how much I LOVE Thanksgiving.

I'm not sure if it's the food, the parade, time with my family, the football, or maybe just my Mom's pumpkin pies. But this is a wonderful day! Have a great and safe holiday! ♥Besitos