College Friends

Just the other day, I was thinking back to college. Heck, back to high school. I wonder where most of my friends went...

It's definitely not a secret, that I'm ridiculously shy! And even though I tried, there are very few people from my past, that I still talk to. Why? Not even I'm sure of this. Maybe life just gets busy. Maybe my family is so big, that I sometimes puts friend on the back burner. Maybe, we just weren't meant to be friends.

I look back to high school. And the friends I had. I had "cheerleader friends." Almost 100% of them, would not have been my friend outside of our sport. We had a common goal. We talked. But it was nothing ever too deep. I regret that I let a few of those girls, just disappear. Once in a great while, I chat with someone on Facebook. In the first few years that I was out of high school, I unfortunately would stay quiet, when I'd see some of these friends. I regret that!

My closer friends, I tried to stay in touch with them. Most of us went to different universities. Not that it should matter, but just that one detail, had us going in different directions. Others of us, went to the same university, but found different interests. I would say, for the most part, I was on a very different path. I bought a house when I was 18 years old. And was solely supporting myself. Tough stuff.

But college friends. I think of them the most. I don't know why. Maybe because they shaped a lot of my life. We were on the same path. Starting out on our careers. Learning about the world. We spent countless hours studying together. And eventually, beginning our careers together.

M always comes to mind. We met on my first day of college. The only 2 students in the music program, that morning, that weren't in band. We sat and talked. Which became our "routine" for the next year. Eventually, we'd both move on from music. But we'd continue our friendship. Having lunch together, a few times a week. After graduation, boyfriends, and moves...we're still friends. Calling and texting, between field trips and surgeries. It's funny how these things work out.

I think of friends like Mer, Mac, Jeni, Matt, and Jorge. We went through a lot. And I mean A LOT together! But as we'd overcome our obstacles, and pass our classes, we started to lose touch. I had close friends from dietetics and medicine, that I've remained friends with. But these 5 always come to mind. Long hours in class, crazy labs, and even longer hours cramming for exams. I wonder what happened to everyone...

I think of my Target family. 99.9% of us were in college at the time. Struggling with work, going to class, and just flat out staying awake. It was tough! But we made it through all that. I think of Miss "I'm going to sing my worries away." And little Miss Sassy Pants. Our manager was pretty awesome too! From time to time, I'll run into someone on Facebook. Mostly Mr. "I'm going to save the world Fernando." :)

Friendships don't always sail into the sunset, 2 friends laughing away, life going great. Big rifts happen. To even the closest of friends. Like Miss "Wanna be a Chicana, mariachi playing, John Denver loving mujer." We were close. Talking daily. Laughing our cares away. Probably annoying everyone in our path! And then 1 day, 1 disagreement, destroyed our friendship. Maybe I was too quick to react. Or she was too quick to judge. Or we really were not meant to be friends. I guess we'll never really know...

I had a ton of "friends" in music. I don't know if you'd call us friends. We would meet in rehearsal. Some of us, like P and I, would occasionally meet for dinner. Or shopping. Maybe a 2 hour convo on the phone. There was that weird girl, that I just can't remember her name. Just that she played the trumpet, scared me half to death, and stalked me way too long! All because I told her Hi one day...

And that last scary situation, is probably why I kept most people at arm's length. I regret that a lot these days. I think of all the things I could have done, while I was in college. The mariachi groups I could have played in. The people I could have become friends with. But that girl, she scared me to death! And to be honest, I thought they'd all turn into scary stalkers. That somehow, figured out where I lived. That had me, shaking in my boots!

There were nice guys in symphony and mariachi. Yes, I said guys. Because at the end of the day, most of them were guys. They were nice. For the most part. There was A and G that pissed me off one day. And that was it. This fiery Chicana went all Burque on their butts. Walked out of the Mariachi class, and never looked back.

Out of all the people I ever encountered in college, it was the mariachi players, that I wished I had become closer to. They were nice people. Always inviting me to jam, or even join their groups. And there was me...scared to death. Afraid to talk. I do believe that my teacher G, tried some crazy stuff, to get me to connect with these talented musicians. Some days, I swear he was trying to play matchmaker. Maybe it was just bad timing, but before you knew it, I was elbow deep in petri dishes. :)

I often wonder, especially now that I'm home, how things could have worked out differently. I wonder if those few, returned home. To the northern part of our state. I'm pretty sure, that's were P told me, they were from. I wonder if they still play music. If they have a group. If they'd even want a musician like me, to be in their group. Maybe I'm just lonely, and need some musician friends. Maybe I just yearn for those nights filled with music. Maybe, I just need to be a better friend in the future...

 ♥Besitos

Hectic Life

How far behind on life am I? Well, that is the last episode of General Hospital that I watched. Um, that's over 3 months ago! People, this was a show that I never missed! Ever! OK, I would catch up on a week's worth of episodes, once a week. Yes, I'd watch all 5 episodes in one day.

But as you can see, it's been a while. I've been so busy! And I haven't even been on schedule at the hospital since July! If I'm this behind in life now, what's going to happen between now and Christmas?

And my family wonders why I'm still single. What man wants to compete with my hectic school and work schedule? ♥Besitos

Tantita Pena

Funny how I seen him today. And all I could think about was his lips. And 1:45 of this video. Doesn't help that he has grown out his hair, is a musician, and has a voice to die for! I wanted to talk to him. But oh ya, I got soaked by the kind firemen of "The City Different."

Oh ya, and that fireman, why do I always see him when I come here? It's just strange. Yes, he asked me out when I was younger. But I was 16 and he was 21. A little illegal in our state. I could have imagined what my Dad would have done.

But back to the man...he looked amazing. I wanted to talk to him. Then the light bulb went off in my head. Um, hello! He plays the guitar. I'm sure he would enjoy this gig. And the money. Too bad my white shirt was drenched. And you could see through it! My bra was clearly visible. And I was running to my car. He would be perfect for this gig. Then maybe just maybe, I'd finally get to talk to him...

But it didn't happen. When I got to my car, Zo called me. And I told him about the entire situation. He told me that I should have just went to talk to him. Maybe he would have just taken the job. hahaha Zo is a funny one! If it had been Zo, he would have taken the job. :P

But seriously, I know at one time I had a phone number for him. Other than that one, to the apartment, where he no longer lives. Oh ya. I could make a quick call to an old teacher. I know he has the number. But then...what do I say?

Now I'm at my parent's house. Calling every musician I know. But he's on my mind. And this video. Why do I make life so complicated for myself? ♥Besitos

Camping

I can't believe summer is pretty much over. I never went camping. Not once! What is wrong with me? I had all these plans. My friends and I were going to go camping. We had plans to fish. Zo and I even went to the shooting range. In hopes of a little hunting. We thought about going to the Ranch for a week. Maybe doing some hiking. Heck, we even considered renting a cabin. But we never did...

Me? I stressed out all summer long. I worked. I tried to figure out what I was going to do this semester. I dealt with my brother. And I never once went camping. In my books, that's a total failure!

So I start my classes tomorrow. So much is still uncertain. The next month or so is going to be nuts. And I kinda just want to call up some friends and plan a mini camping trip. Even if it's just for a day or 2. I like sleeping under the stars. Walking up with dirt in my sleeping bag. And wondering how it got there. Camp fire food is also quite tasty!

Did you have any summer plans that just didn't happen? Trips that you planned, things you wanted to do, that sort of thing? I know I had a lot that I wanted to do. But these family issues keep bringing me down. Well, if nothing else, I want to go camping before the snow starts to fall. At least then, I won't feel so bad. ♥Besitos

Friends?

Today, we're going to talk about friends. as in the kind that you don't need. The kind that are only there for themselves. As in, they only call or some around when they need something.

Unfortunately, I've made some horrible choices in some friends. Not all. But in some. But one in particular, I don't know what it is. I can't seem to not be friends with her. It's like an illness I believe. Because the other slackers, life suckers, horrible people...I've ditched them.

But somehow, this "friend" has stayed around. It's been nearly 6 months since we've seen each other. In the last 18 months, we've seen each other twice. Twice people! But now, she is making my life pretty miserable.

I am always the one having to call. Having to make the effort. Having to plan our lunch meet ups. And having to drive an hour there and back. She doesn't make the effort. And if I call, and she knows that I'm too busy to meet up, she just doesn't answer the phone.

Then when she's having a bad day, like yesterday, she calls me in a panic. I don't know what to do. Yesterday, I was sleeping when she called. And by the time I noticed her call, it was 10PM. Not bad for us normal folks, but she goes to bed at 10PM.

But the worst thing of all, and probably why I've avoided her when I could have met for lunch, or an occasional trip to Barnes and Noble or Target, is that I've seen her stealing. No lie! And crap that she doesn't need. Like Rose hand salve, Burt's Bees lip balm, or pens. It's not like she doesn't have money. She comes from a family that is very well off financially. She also works a full time job, and still lives at home. In so many words, girl has got some serious cash!

So I'm stuck here. I don't know what to do. I'm unsure of what I should do. Because I'm the only person that makes an effort. I do all the calling, e-mailing, and planning. And to be honest, I'm not at all comfortable around her. I just need to think long and hard about this. ♥Besitos

Hombrecito

There's this guy...I met him when I was 18. A rather cute man. One that all the ladies were in love with. I mean all the ladies. From 3-83! And then, there was me. I was shy. Barely uttered 2 words in a 2 hour rehearsal. I was that awkward college freshman.

But there he was. Gorgeous eyes. Curly, somewhat out of control hair, and an amazing personality. I was 18 and very shy. He would make it a point to come and say Hi during every rehearsal. I think his momma just raised him right. It took everything I had to barely mutter the word Hi. Why was I so shy?

For years, we rehearsed together. Years people! Our conversation were never too lengthy. I so badly wanted to join the mariachi he was in. Not just because he was in it. Though that was a plus. But this group was really amazing. And I wanted to learn so badly! But, I was so nervous! I could barely handle being in a mariachi rehearsal at school with him. How was I going to handle the actual group? Well life got busy, and I never joined.

A few years later, I was asked to help bring back the school mariachi. I nervously looked for phone numbers. And I found his messy guy handwriting, on the back of some music. I dialed the number, knots in my stomach, only to get his old roommate. Life was just sucked out of me! So you can imagine my surprise, when I walk into rehearsal. He was standing there. That goofy smile that I loved so much! Holding his guitar.

The summer prior to this, the group I had been playing in back home, came down to play. And I went to see them. He was there. Playing. I thought I was about to die. he looked amazing in his traje. When he started to sing, I halfway thanked God that it was dark by this point. Because I could tell, I was as red as ever! But I sat there and watched. Until nearly 11PM. It was like heaven on earth! :)

So when we started rehearsing again, I was glad I played the violin. I was on the other side of the room. Until our ever so wise professor, thought it was a good idea to put the violins in front of the armonia. And I, ended up standing right in front of him. I could hardly play. And forget when he sang. I couldn't give a reason why, an experienced mariachi like myself, couldn't play Volver, Volver when he sang. I really couldn't.

For about 6 months, we saw each other twice a week. In rehearsal. And as I was going to my lesson. Later, as in a few years later, his friend came to ask me a few questions. Like what I thought about him. He asked me, did I ever think it was weird that the violins had to stand in front of the armonia? Or that his lesson was always before mine. That it took him an extra 10 minutes to pack up, as I was starting my lesson. I guess it was a well orchestrated situation.

If I had only known. If I had not been so shy. Oh and there was that one mariachi conference. Why was I so incredibly shy? He wanted to know so much. And there I was, listening to some lecture about mariachi musicianship onstage!

There was also that time. When the group went on that out of town gig. And I was running. It was in the beginning of February. I was in shorts and a tank top. I know. I'm crazy! But he talked about it for years after. And that night in rehearsal. When I was late. Because I lost track of time at the gym. I was in my sweats. And when I took off my jacket, I could hear him and his friend talking. I don't know what they said. But when I looked up, he was bright as can be. We didn't say much of anything that night.

Time past. He graduated and moved away. I got more involved in my new field. And our paths never crossed. Until today.

I went to eat breakfast with my parents. Just a quick thing. I had gotten up late. Hadn't really wanted to go. But went. My hair was it's usual crazy mess, when I leave it to dry naturally. Half curly, half frizzy, but still wet. I had minimal makeup on. And was lucky to have made it to breakfast. I noticed him out of the corner of my eye. Was it really him? Could it be?

I was done with my breakfast. Had talked to a cousin of mine that was there. And was waiting for my parents to finish up. We were getting ready to leave. But my dad decided to have another glass of water. And, here I was. Seeing this man, he is clearly a man now, walk out of this restaurant. The same restaurant that is less than 5 minutes from my parent's house. For a split second, I wanted to say something. Hi. How are you? Are you still playing? Etc...

But the words escaped me. My parents were sitting there talking about shopping at Costco. And he left. I had felt my heart rate increase. And now, what was I going to do? I sat there. I had just missed the opportunity. Is he living in my hometown now? I have no clue! Was he by himself? I don't know. I seen him walk out alone.

What a mess I am! Why didn't I say something? Then or now...

That folks, is a total screw up on my part. He is an amazing man. I would give anything to hear him play and sing again. My friends, they know that I have this little crush on him. a few years ago, they went looking for him. Good thing, they didn't find him. But they did call him a few times from my phone. I could have killed them! But maybe that's what you're supposed to do. Not be so scared, shy, or old fashioned.

Now all I can think about is that crazy, curly hair. Which he has grown out. Oh, amazing! And those silly shorts that he likes to wear. I swear, the only thing missing was the Gilligan's hat. I know I really missed an opportunity. I will never know if he actually had feelings for me. Or if 2 people that I trust and respect were just telling me that he did. But I would really like to run into him. Just once. Some place were we can sit and talk. Even if it's just for 5 minutes. ♥Besitos

Opportunity Missed

You can tell me I'm crazy. I'm probably going to agree with you anyway. This morning, I was exhausted. And I really didn't want to get out of bed. Or in this case, off the couch. I'm here at my parents' house visiting. And they insist on getting up early. And going out to eat. I'm not a big fan of the VI. So they tempted me with Barela's.

I got up. Went to take a shower. And didn't really care what I wore. Frankly, I just pulled whatever out of my bag. I rain a comb through my wet hair and piled it on top of my head with a clip. No makeup. Let's just say, I'm not a morning person. And this morning, I was not expecting to see a soul that I knew...

And off we went. We dropped my Dad off in the front. My Mom and I parked the car. Once inside, we talked to a cousin of mine and some friends. And sat down. We ordered our breakfast, and began planning our day.

It was a relatively uneventful meal. We joked with some people that sat next to us. We watched people. And I was playing with a little girl sitting at the next table over. Then I saw him...

Yes, the man that I thought walked on water. I met him when I was a freshman in college. Everything about him, was wonderful. His voice, his playing abilities, his looks...everything! But I was/am shy. And I could barely mutter hi to him then. He always made me nervous. I could barely tune my violin in front of him. Let's not even talk about when he would start to sing Volver. But there he was. In the flesh. I haven't seen him in 5 years?

He walked right behind my parents as he left. In fact, he stood there for a minute or 2. He got stuck behind a waitress, that was delivering food to the next table. I swear, my heart was in my throat. I wanted to be nice. You know. And say hi. But how could I? Oh, and my parents were there. They'd want this whole long story. And I can barely talk to this man. So I tried to be invisible. Which I guess worked. Because he didn't see me.

So I let it go. I didn't say a thing. My entire upper body was red. My parents had no clue. They were talking to our cousin. And I felt stupid for blushing. And for not talking to this man.

He hasn't changed much. He grew his hair out. The last time I had seen him, he had shaved it all off. But he still had that wonderful smile...and that contagious laugh. One day, I hope I can at least talk to him. Without getting tongue tied and all flustered. What is wrong with me? I'm not always like this... ♥Besitos