Over the years, my relationship with my dad has been both good, and strained. I guess it just depends on the time frame we are talking about. Probably because my dad was 50 years old when I was born. We had different views on life from day 1. I was a product of his 2
nd relationship. He, my mom, and I were a family. But they worked all the time. And I grew up very much the loner. Very much on my own. With little to no rules. But tons of expectations.
My parents, though they were not aware of it, taught me to be a very independent
mujer. The kind that tries to do everything on her own. As a kid, I was resourceful. I figured out that reading helped pass the time. In a very quick manner. Because my parents were growing their business. And I was not really a planned kid. But I was there. And they had to deal with me. Even if the demands of their business seemed to scream louder.
I learned that teachers could be more than teachers. They could be friends. And family. From the time I entered
pre-school, to my current days in college, I look at teachers as being friends. People I can have a relationship with. And I can learn from.
But my Dad taught me some things, that I am sure, even he doesn't realize. He taught me the way a man should treat a woman. And the only way, that I will ever tolerate, a man treating me. I know that I need to be loved and respected. Not always in that order. But always the 2 together. I should never give all of myself to anyone, until they have proven to be kind hearted and loving to me. And I don't just mean in a physical nature. But in an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual way.
My dad was also sure to tell me, that I could be anyone or anything, that I wanted to be. I don't necessarily think he really meant "anything," because he frowned quite badly, at the idea that I would be a musician all my life. And not a doctor or a lawyer. But I understood, the sky was the limit.
One of the biggest lessons, that I ever learned though, was never to be completely dependent on anyone. This has come back to bite my Dad in the ass more than once! Because I am independent to the point that I sometimes do without basic necessities. Rather than to ask him or my mom for help. Yes, I have been known to go without food, because I need to make a tuition payment. Or to do without heat, because I simply couldn't afford it.
But the positive side to all of that, is this. I know that I should never, ever be completely dependent on a man for money, love, status, self-worth, or anything else. I need to be a complete person on my own. Then I can search for love. But I can't forget who I am, once I find that love. I need to stay true to myself. And at the same time, completely give of myself, to my partner. I know lots of people won't understand that. But I do.
I have learned to rely on myself. To dream up a goal, and to make a plan. Sometimes we veer off course, but the plan helps us to see the goal in mind. Since I was a wee one, my dad instilled saving money for tomorrow. I am very grateful for that. Had it not been for that, who knows where I would be now. At 26, I have a home of my own, a fairly new car, and I go to school pretty much debt free. Yes, there are plenty of sacrifices that have to be made. But I have a home that is mine. A car that is mine. And I usually have the basic necessities, that I need in life. I would never have guessed at 18 years of age, that I would buy a home. But I did. Because I was taught to think about my future.
As a kid, I also got more "stuff" than most kids. I think it was a way for my parents not to feel guilty when they left for work trips. Or when they sent me, to stay with my grandparents, for the entire summer. But I had every Barbie, Little Pony, or toy that I really wanted. I was not happy though. I was spoiled. But not like a rotten kid. And if I could have, I would have traded all of that stuff, for more time with my parents. Or even a sibling.
But the thing, I never really sat down and realized as a kid, was that my dad was teaching me things. He taught me by example. Whether it was good or bad. He even taught me what I should expect and look for in a life partner. Yes, I got diamonds and a new car. But it was his way of showing me that anything was possible with a goal in mind. He showed me not to just "settle" for the first man that came around. But that there are good guys out there. The kind that will give up a trip with their buddies, to buy their wife an anniversary present. Or to buy a home for their family.
You see, my dad dropped out of school in the 8
th grade. But today, he has a very successful business. The kind that has him on the
BBB's Top Employers List. My dad may be lacking in education. But he has never lacked in determination or will. That right there, was a priceless lesson he taught me. A little sacrifice never killed anybody.
Along the way, it hasn't always been easy. There have been times when I thought we were on completely different planets. But I now realize that my dad sacrificed so much, to give to me. Ya, I didn't have a perfect childhood. But I did get to take violin lessons. We had food on the table. I never grew up "wishing" I could go on a school trip. He didn't make it easy. Not by any means.
I had to have straight A's. No questions asked. I never missed a day of school, or a single class from kindergarten to graduation. I got a car. But with certain expectations. I did more fundraising, than any other person in my school. Ya, I sold the chocolate, and those dumb
Applebee's apples. And I am sure, if I wasn't so darn hard headed, my parents would probably help me now with my tuition and books. But my dad taught me well. Sometimes too well. To the point that I know, one day, I will have to give up some of my selfish independence. Because I know, somewhere out there, there is a man that is going to love me, even more than my dad loves me. ♥Besitos
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