Serenity

I'm learning more and more, as life speeds on by, that I'm in no way, "in control" of my life. At times, I've liked to think, that life was going "the way I wanted it to go." These days, I realize more and more, that's not the way things go.

With my Dad's ongoing illness, moving to my hometown for nearly 2 years, and really letting all control of my life go...well you realize these things. Sometimes without realizing it. But at the same time, not really fighting to keep that tight control.

I can't remember the last time, I slept in. Or went to my home. That once short, 3 hour drive, seems like an entire lifetime ago. My quiet, well "put together" and simple home, is a distant memory. I think the last time I was home, was back in November. And playing and singing, gosh, it's been months since I last performed. You know, a real gig.

But these are things that I'm willing to sacrifice. I'm realizing more and more, with each passing day, that this is my life. My parents were older when I was born. My Dad was 50 years old! And it never bothered me. I never noticed those things. Until the bottom fell out. And my Dad got sick. And mi abuelita was put in a nursing home. And mi abuelito past away. Then life hit me. Smack in the middle of a shift in the PICU. I realized, I'm just one little piece to this complicated puzzle. A puzzle, were every single piece is needed.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer was one, that sat in mi abuelita's kitchen for years. I can still see the little plaque. Made of wood, with black lettering, and the most simple gold designs. I'd read it over and over again, while waiting for breakfast. At the time, I never quite understood the words. What they meant. Or how much, I was going to have to really trust in a higher being. But now I do.

Serenity: the state or quality of being calm or tranquil. There were times in my life, when I could describe my own life, as being serene. When the craziest things I dealt with, were tuition payments, final exams, and the constant schedule of gigs. I've heard others describe me, as being a serene person. Especially during my round in the emergency room.

I don't know if I could ever really consider myself a serene person. One that was really calm, inside and out. I bottle much of my emotions up. I hold people at arms length. I only let so much of my true self, out. But I'm learning more and more, about my positives. About my true calmness. My character.

This has really hit home as of late. After an amazing day yesterday, one that I had not expected, the bottom fell out again. But we're still trucking along here. What else can we do? Put a smile on, crank up 89.1, and enjoy a bowl of chili and beans. I guess that's another lesson mi abuelita taught me along the way. :)

♥Besitos

First Love...Not That Kind of Love...

I'm knee deep in orders. Of the crochet kind. We have a Craft Fair coming up soon. And I just can't keep up. Not to mention, the 10 babies coming in the next month. I know! Between my friends and family, it just never ends...

But this little set, has been requested. And I might have spent 2 days, at work, searching for this pattern. Yes, between patients. And rounds. Occasionally, while on the elevator. :)

I finally found the pattern. And made sure to save it. To 5 different devices. This was nuts! And websites, they irritate me to death. Once they publish a pattern online, I think it should be made available forever. Maybe that's just me...complaining. But that's that.

I'm just happy to have a pattern. And at least 1 week, to finish this order. Cross your fingers and your toes, that everything else in my life, goes as smoothly. It's been a tough week around here. Please keep my Dad in your prayers. He needs it...

 ♥Besitos

College Friends

Just the other day, I was thinking back to college. Heck, back to high school. I wonder where most of my friends went...

It's definitely not a secret, that I'm ridiculously shy! And even though I tried, there are very few people from my past, that I still talk to. Why? Not even I'm sure of this. Maybe life just gets busy. Maybe my family is so big, that I sometimes puts friend on the back burner. Maybe, we just weren't meant to be friends.

I look back to high school. And the friends I had. I had "cheerleader friends." Almost 100% of them, would not have been my friend outside of our sport. We had a common goal. We talked. But it was nothing ever too deep. I regret that I let a few of those girls, just disappear. Once in a great while, I chat with someone on Facebook. In the first few years that I was out of high school, I unfortunately would stay quiet, when I'd see some of these friends. I regret that!

My closer friends, I tried to stay in touch with them. Most of us went to different universities. Not that it should matter, but just that one detail, had us going in different directions. Others of us, went to the same university, but found different interests. I would say, for the most part, I was on a very different path. I bought a house when I was 18 years old. And was solely supporting myself. Tough stuff.

But college friends. I think of them the most. I don't know why. Maybe because they shaped a lot of my life. We were on the same path. Starting out on our careers. Learning about the world. We spent countless hours studying together. And eventually, beginning our careers together.

M always comes to mind. We met on my first day of college. The only 2 students in the music program, that morning, that weren't in band. We sat and talked. Which became our "routine" for the next year. Eventually, we'd both move on from music. But we'd continue our friendship. Having lunch together, a few times a week. After graduation, boyfriends, and moves...we're still friends. Calling and texting, between field trips and surgeries. It's funny how these things work out.

I think of friends like Mer, Mac, Jeni, Matt, and Jorge. We went through a lot. And I mean A LOT together! But as we'd overcome our obstacles, and pass our classes, we started to lose touch. I had close friends from dietetics and medicine, that I've remained friends with. But these 5 always come to mind. Long hours in class, crazy labs, and even longer hours cramming for exams. I wonder what happened to everyone...

I think of my Target family. 99.9% of us were in college at the time. Struggling with work, going to class, and just flat out staying awake. It was tough! But we made it through all that. I think of Miss "I'm going to sing my worries away." And little Miss Sassy Pants. Our manager was pretty awesome too! From time to time, I'll run into someone on Facebook. Mostly Mr. "I'm going to save the world Fernando." :)

Friendships don't always sail into the sunset, 2 friends laughing away, life going great. Big rifts happen. To even the closest of friends. Like Miss "Wanna be a Chicana, mariachi playing, John Denver loving mujer." We were close. Talking daily. Laughing our cares away. Probably annoying everyone in our path! And then 1 day, 1 disagreement, destroyed our friendship. Maybe I was too quick to react. Or she was too quick to judge. Or we really were not meant to be friends. I guess we'll never really know...

I had a ton of "friends" in music. I don't know if you'd call us friends. We would meet in rehearsal. Some of us, like P and I, would occasionally meet for dinner. Or shopping. Maybe a 2 hour convo on the phone. There was that weird girl, that I just can't remember her name. Just that she played the trumpet, scared me half to death, and stalked me way too long! All because I told her Hi one day...

And that last scary situation, is probably why I kept most people at arm's length. I regret that a lot these days. I think of all the things I could have done, while I was in college. The mariachi groups I could have played in. The people I could have become friends with. But that girl, she scared me to death! And to be honest, I thought they'd all turn into scary stalkers. That somehow, figured out where I lived. That had me, shaking in my boots!

There were nice guys in symphony and mariachi. Yes, I said guys. Because at the end of the day, most of them were guys. They were nice. For the most part. There was A and G that pissed me off one day. And that was it. This fiery Chicana went all Burque on their butts. Walked out of the Mariachi class, and never looked back.

Out of all the people I ever encountered in college, it was the mariachi players, that I wished I had become closer to. They were nice people. Always inviting me to jam, or even join their groups. And there was me...scared to death. Afraid to talk. I do believe that my teacher G, tried some crazy stuff, to get me to connect with these talented musicians. Some days, I swear he was trying to play matchmaker. Maybe it was just bad timing, but before you knew it, I was elbow deep in petri dishes. :)

I often wonder, especially now that I'm home, how things could have worked out differently. I wonder if those few, returned home. To the northern part of our state. I'm pretty sure, that's were P told me, they were from. I wonder if they still play music. If they have a group. If they'd even want a musician like me, to be in their group. Maybe I'm just lonely, and need some musician friends. Maybe I just yearn for those nights filled with music. Maybe, I just need to be a better friend in the future...

 ♥Besitos

Let's Talk About...

Last week, I touched on the subject of sex. It was brief. But it was there. And it got me thinking...

When I was growing up, my parents never talked to me about sex. Never. They never told me that it was good or bad. Never said that I should stay away from it. We never had "The Talk." My Mom didn't really say much to me when I started my period. In fact, I probably waited about 18 months before even telling her.

But we did have a lot of sex education in school. I was in 1st grade, 6 years old, when I had my first sex education class. The girls and boys were split up. We left there knowing that boys had testicles and a penis. They knew we had a vagina and one day would have breasts. We saw horrible 50-70s sex ed materials. I honestly thought I had fallen into a time warp. But we learned.

By the time we were in 5th grade, and about 11 years old, sex ed was held in the gym. All of us together. We had been shown horrible 1950s sex ed material. Saw what 80 year old men and women looked like naked. They were drawn pictures. But still, it was horrible! All of our questions were answered. We saw real life pictures of what our bodies would look like from the time we were babies until we were 90. The pictures of that old man, they still haunt me!

But we knew things. Like what sex really was. That we could get AIDS from unprotected sex. We knew what condoms were. And why they were used. Our teachers answered every single question we had. Including the very pregnant 5th grade teacher. I can't remember her name. But they answered everything. Including how the very petite teacher could have sex with her very tall husband.

Then we went to middle school. Another year of sex ed. The boys had to learn about us girls. And our periods, cramps, pads, tampons, and our hormones. We learned that boys woke up with "hard ons" and that they quite liked to "play with themselves." It was a very open class.

In high school, we had 1 more year of sex ed. It was all about pregnancy and diseases. We saw real life pictures of infected vaginas and penises. We watched birthing videos. We talked about it all. About the kids in our school that were expecting babies. The ones that were "doing it" in the baseball dug outs, and under the bleachers. We talked about the pleasure that came from sex. And the consequences. we learned about it all. We even had a teacher that had an entire drawer full of condoms. They were free for the taking. No questions asked.

I never talked to my parents about it. But I did talk to both of my grandmas. I also talked to family friends. Oh, and my older friends. Most of which were male. It was nice to get their take on the subject. Their views on sex and women. It was just nice to talk to a guy and not be embarrassed. Thank goodness for older, wiser friends. :)

My best friend and I, well we talked to each other about it all! I still remember for her 8th or 9th birthday. I went to her house. Like normal, for a birthday sleepover. We'd spend the entire weekend at each other's house for our birthdays. And the minute I got into her room, she closed the door. She pulled down her pants and her underwear and asked if I had any of this...pointing to her pubic hair. I laughed and told her mine was darker. Um, she is a blond, and I'm a brunette. We also sat and talked about our growing new friends...our new breasts. Does "We must, we must, we must increase out bust" come to mind? :)

We had the period talk that weekend too. Her grandma actually supplied us with enough pads and tampons to last us each 18 months. That's the reason I didn't tell my parents when I got my period. Her grandma, she was the only one that ever really talked to us. You know, outside of school. She told us about everything. Yes, we were young. But somebody had to talk to us.

But we learned. I also grew up in the 80s. A time when sex was all over TV. I watched 90201 and Melrose Place. I was 7 years old. My parents didn't seem to mind. And anytime you put on MTV, there was some special about AIDS. I learned how to put on a condom on a banana. I was probably 7 or 8. And I was watching TV.

There were so many "After School Specials" on network TV, that it wasn't funny! They wanted us to know about sex, AIDS, and condoms. And our generation learned. It was everywhere we looked. And at some point, you had to learn something, from all the information that was flooding our lives.

That's what happened during my generation. TV taught us a lot. School taught us a lot. We weren't afraid to talk about sex. We talked about it. My niece, she's 7 years younger than me. She never had a day of sex ed from K-12th grade. This year, she's a senior. And she honestly doesn't know much about the consequences of sex. Heck, not much about sex in general.

Much was changed since I was in school. Since I first started school. Parents were upset because we were taught so much. But I don't see it as a bad thing. We were well informed. These days, honestly what are the kids being taught? Do they really know about all the STDs and what being a parent is all about? ♥Besitos

Huh?

I have this friend from high school. She was a devote Christian. And was always into the Lord. And doing what was right. I was raised a Roman Catholic. And we shared lots of the same values. And I respected the differences between our beliefs and religions. I figured, what works for you, well, it works for you. What works for me, it works for me. But we're all worthy, no matter what we believe.

At the end of my sophomore year, we went to a friend's house. We were all cheerleaders. And it just felt like it was time to share. Just the 4 of us. We were hanging out. Eating a snack. And I think we were waiting to go to a baseball game or something.

It was like clear your mind and your heart day. My best friend on the team, he told us all about his relationship with his girlfriend. And his OCD. Our other friend, the senior, told us about her relationship with her boyfriend. He was a bit older. And she was just this sweet girl. I don't even remember what I talked about. I was not very good at sharing. And my life wasn't terribly interesting.

But this one friend. She shocked us all! She had had an abortion the year before. She was in a Christian School. And one day, she slept with a much older guy. She specifically said that he was a Mexican construction worker. What that had to do with it, I still don't know. But I remember that. And when she found out that she was pregnant, she asked her mom to take her for an abortion.

That's essentially why her and her sister ended up at our school. Our public school. I guess, she didn't want people to know. But she trusted the 3 of us. I felt bad for her. You could see that it still bothered her. But, I figured, she had done what was best for her.

Fast forward. Maybe 4 years ago, I found her on MySpace. And we started chatting again. She had devoted herself to the church. Had decided to go to TCU. And was doing good. Then, she got pregnant. This time, the guy and her decided to get married. I was excited for her. She seemed to be getting her life in order. And she got married. about 4-6 weeks before their daughter was born.

Now, they have a 6 month old little boy, and a 2 1/2 year old little girl. Her husband is working hard to be a preacher. And they seem so happy.

But I was shocked when I seen her Facebook Status not too long ago. 50% of all pregnancies in the US are unplanned and unwanted. (I knew that. I work for the DOH.) Of those, 4 out of 10 end in abortion. (I also knew that.) But it's the next part that shocked me! She wrote, "Abortion is wrong. It's sinful. Any mother who aborts her innocent child is going to hell. The Lord shall not forgive her. She is like the devil himself. This is unacceptable. How can any person act in such a sinful way. How can anyone give of themselves before marriage."

Um, do you see why I'm angry? She obviously had sex at least twice before marriage. She was pregnant twice, before ever walking down the aisle. She also had an abortion. Yes, she was a young teen. But still, it happened.

And this is what makes me mad. She is judging other people. That's wrong in so many ways! You don't know the circumstances that these women and girls are going through. Or what they're thinking.

My own mom, she told me that when she was pregnant with my older sister, she considered an abortion. My mom was 19. And got married solely because she was pregnant. But she didn't think they could give their baby a good life. So she considered an abortion. So much so, she was sitting in the clinic. At the last moment, she left. And then, after my sister was born, she considered giving her up for adoption. My mom still thinks about this a lot. Because she feels like maybe she could have had a better life. And maybe my sister may have as well.

I also know women who have been rapped. And who have become pregnant. It was hard for them. But they couldn't imagine raising a baby that was created during a rape. Everyone has a different story. A different reason. And no one has the right to judge. What may be right for you, could be horribly wrong for someone else. Put yourself in their shoes.

Going back to the numbers. Essentially 20% of pregnancies in the US end in abortion. Is it right? Or is it wrong? I feel like I can't judge. I've never been in that situation. But I do have young cousins, nieces, and nephews who have children. They shouldn't. But they do. If it were an option for them, would their lives have turned out better? Could they have done better for themselves and future children?

I don't see the HUGE issue in this subject. Because I think each person has the right to make those decisions for themselves. The problem I see is, when 12 year olds are having sex. What's up with that? Or when parents have no clue where their 13 year old is 2AM? Or think it's hilarious that their 15 year old is having sex in their home.

Let me tell you, I'm 27. My Dad would smack the crap out of me, if I took a guy to his house, to "hook up." Or if we were "making out" in front of him. Or "feeling each other up." That's just not acceptable in my house. But that's the way I was raised. To show and have respect.

It just makes me wonder. I mean, no one should be afraid of sex. But there should also be some responsibility that comes along with it. I mean if you are adult enough to make that decision, you have to be adult enough to face the consequences. It's simple. And I still don't feel like we have a right to judge people. Because we were all raised differently. And experienced such different things.

But I do feel like we need to respect ourselves. And our bodies. I'm not saying that 100% of kids are going to leave 9th grade as virgins. That would be ridiculous to expect that. But maybe, it shouldn't be so accepted to see kids having sex at school. Or in the parking lots. Maybe that's when talks of abortion would be more meaningful. And feel less like some grand speech.

I know, I've totally changed the subject here. But it just makes me so mad. That people are ready and set to judge others. They've never walked a day in their shoes. Or experienced life through someone else's eyes. I think we all just need to stop and breathe. Take a look at your own life. Who knows, you're probably judging someone for the same things you've done. ♥Besitos

Kinda Stressed Out...

So I knew it was a bad idea to get sucked into staying up north for 2 weeks. Well, close to 2 weeks. Whatever...

I came home, my entire garden was dead. So are my flowers. All expect the morning glories. I guess I'll never make it as a farmer's wife. :)

I start classes today. And I got a call at 1AM. My boss from Sin City. I need to find a guitar player in "The City Different." By Monday or something nuts like that. Remind me again, that I can't just leave for that long again. I need to remember that. And where am I going to find a guitar player? Anyone interested? 2 gigs...6 hours total...$5,000. Let me know if you can make it.

Oh, and it poured last night. Seriously! My roof is still leaking. I don't know what to do. I'm officially broke because it's the beginning of the semester. And I'm praying for some more gigs. That's the only reason I'm going up north again. Well, that's a lie. My little niece is turning 2. And I'm going to her birthday party on Saturday. I know. I'm nuts!

A good friend of mine, actually, one of the LBs is getting married. In 5 weeks! And another good friend is getting married in Sin City in a month. I just agreed to go sing for that wedding. Don't forget...my best friend is also having a baby. In less than 2 months. I'm planning the baby shower. Which is across the country. I know. I'm nuts! Can I possibly agree to anything else?

On a good note, I'm home. I slept in my own bed. Had privacy. A hot shower. And I'm one day closer to graduating. Weird thing...I've been dreaming about this one guy. I met him when I first started college. We never really talked. But I liked him. For about a month now, I've been dreaming about him. I think it's a little weird. But I think it's because I seen him about a month ago...

Now I need to get my butt going. I have to walk to school. We're not going to get into that. But I will say this, at least it keeps me in shape. I'm going to need it. I'm going back to "The City Different" in about a week. And I need to be all dressed in heels and everything. Running up and down hills. The joys of being a mujer! ♥Besitos

Days in the Symphony

When I sit and think about symphonic playing, I have some very mixed memories. When I was young, and first began playing the violin, I loved the symphony. Classical music was all I could think about! I LOVED playing in the AYS program. Loved our conductors. And one of my teacher's sons and I, became really good friends. I met some of the most amazing people. Lifelong friends. :)

Then fast forward to college. I HATED playing in the symphony. Absolutely HATED IT! Our conductor was rude and racist. But I dealt. It didn't hurt that I had an amazing stand partner. We were seated at the back. No matter what we did. That's where we sat. But it was A OK!

What did we do? Joked around. He laughed. Made jokes. He would write all over the music. Draw pictures of "Woody Woodpecker." He would teach me various Mariachi stuff. We talked to the flutists. They sat on one side of us. We chatted with the percussion. And we tried our hardest not to have our ears blown out by them.

That is what we did. We knew our music. We were on top of it. But it never mattered. And the people. Oh they were horrible. Besides our professor, and maybe 2 other string players, no one ever really talked to you. That was life.

Then I left it all behind. And I missed it all! I would sub in various symphonies from time to time. And in the SFO. Which was so fun. But that is a whole other tale. To me, symphony playing can be horrific! The people tend to be rude. And look down on you. You get lost in the scene. And honestly, 90% of the time, you don't even connect with the music. But I would never change my experience. It's helped to shape me as a performer. ♥Besitos

Friends?

Today, we're going to talk about friends. as in the kind that you don't need. The kind that are only there for themselves. As in, they only call or some around when they need something.

Unfortunately, I've made some horrible choices in some friends. Not all. But in some. But one in particular, I don't know what it is. I can't seem to not be friends with her. It's like an illness I believe. Because the other slackers, life suckers, horrible people...I've ditched them.

But somehow, this "friend" has stayed around. It's been nearly 6 months since we've seen each other. In the last 18 months, we've seen each other twice. Twice people! But now, she is making my life pretty miserable.

I am always the one having to call. Having to make the effort. Having to plan our lunch meet ups. And having to drive an hour there and back. She doesn't make the effort. And if I call, and she knows that I'm too busy to meet up, she just doesn't answer the phone.

Then when she's having a bad day, like yesterday, she calls me in a panic. I don't know what to do. Yesterday, I was sleeping when she called. And by the time I noticed her call, it was 10PM. Not bad for us normal folks, but she goes to bed at 10PM.

But the worst thing of all, and probably why I've avoided her when I could have met for lunch, or an occasional trip to Barnes and Noble or Target, is that I've seen her stealing. No lie! And crap that she doesn't need. Like Rose hand salve, Burt's Bees lip balm, or pens. It's not like she doesn't have money. She comes from a family that is very well off financially. She also works a full time job, and still lives at home. In so many words, girl has got some serious cash!

So I'm stuck here. I don't know what to do. I'm unsure of what I should do. Because I'm the only person that makes an effort. I do all the calling, e-mailing, and planning. And to be honest, I'm not at all comfortable around her. I just need to think long and hard about this. ♥Besitos

Hombrecito

There's this guy...I met him when I was 18. A rather cute man. One that all the ladies were in love with. I mean all the ladies. From 3-83! And then, there was me. I was shy. Barely uttered 2 words in a 2 hour rehearsal. I was that awkward college freshman.

But there he was. Gorgeous eyes. Curly, somewhat out of control hair, and an amazing personality. I was 18 and very shy. He would make it a point to come and say Hi during every rehearsal. I think his momma just raised him right. It took everything I had to barely mutter the word Hi. Why was I so shy?

For years, we rehearsed together. Years people! Our conversation were never too lengthy. I so badly wanted to join the mariachi he was in. Not just because he was in it. Though that was a plus. But this group was really amazing. And I wanted to learn so badly! But, I was so nervous! I could barely handle being in a mariachi rehearsal at school with him. How was I going to handle the actual group? Well life got busy, and I never joined.

A few years later, I was asked to help bring back the school mariachi. I nervously looked for phone numbers. And I found his messy guy handwriting, on the back of some music. I dialed the number, knots in my stomach, only to get his old roommate. Life was just sucked out of me! So you can imagine my surprise, when I walk into rehearsal. He was standing there. That goofy smile that I loved so much! Holding his guitar.

The summer prior to this, the group I had been playing in back home, came down to play. And I went to see them. He was there. Playing. I thought I was about to die. he looked amazing in his traje. When he started to sing, I halfway thanked God that it was dark by this point. Because I could tell, I was as red as ever! But I sat there and watched. Until nearly 11PM. It was like heaven on earth! :)

So when we started rehearsing again, I was glad I played the violin. I was on the other side of the room. Until our ever so wise professor, thought it was a good idea to put the violins in front of the armonia. And I, ended up standing right in front of him. I could hardly play. And forget when he sang. I couldn't give a reason why, an experienced mariachi like myself, couldn't play Volver, Volver when he sang. I really couldn't.

For about 6 months, we saw each other twice a week. In rehearsal. And as I was going to my lesson. Later, as in a few years later, his friend came to ask me a few questions. Like what I thought about him. He asked me, did I ever think it was weird that the violins had to stand in front of the armonia? Or that his lesson was always before mine. That it took him an extra 10 minutes to pack up, as I was starting my lesson. I guess it was a well orchestrated situation.

If I had only known. If I had not been so shy. Oh and there was that one mariachi conference. Why was I so incredibly shy? He wanted to know so much. And there I was, listening to some lecture about mariachi musicianship onstage!

There was also that time. When the group went on that out of town gig. And I was running. It was in the beginning of February. I was in shorts and a tank top. I know. I'm crazy! But he talked about it for years after. And that night in rehearsal. When I was late. Because I lost track of time at the gym. I was in my sweats. And when I took off my jacket, I could hear him and his friend talking. I don't know what they said. But when I looked up, he was bright as can be. We didn't say much of anything that night.

Time past. He graduated and moved away. I got more involved in my new field. And our paths never crossed. Until today.

I went to eat breakfast with my parents. Just a quick thing. I had gotten up late. Hadn't really wanted to go. But went. My hair was it's usual crazy mess, when I leave it to dry naturally. Half curly, half frizzy, but still wet. I had minimal makeup on. And was lucky to have made it to breakfast. I noticed him out of the corner of my eye. Was it really him? Could it be?

I was done with my breakfast. Had talked to a cousin of mine that was there. And was waiting for my parents to finish up. We were getting ready to leave. But my dad decided to have another glass of water. And, here I was. Seeing this man, he is clearly a man now, walk out of this restaurant. The same restaurant that is less than 5 minutes from my parent's house. For a split second, I wanted to say something. Hi. How are you? Are you still playing? Etc...

But the words escaped me. My parents were sitting there talking about shopping at Costco. And he left. I had felt my heart rate increase. And now, what was I going to do? I sat there. I had just missed the opportunity. Is he living in my hometown now? I have no clue! Was he by himself? I don't know. I seen him walk out alone.

What a mess I am! Why didn't I say something? Then or now...

That folks, is a total screw up on my part. He is an amazing man. I would give anything to hear him play and sing again. My friends, they know that I have this little crush on him. a few years ago, they went looking for him. Good thing, they didn't find him. But they did call him a few times from my phone. I could have killed them! But maybe that's what you're supposed to do. Not be so scared, shy, or old fashioned.

Now all I can think about is that crazy, curly hair. Which he has grown out. Oh, amazing! And those silly shorts that he likes to wear. I swear, the only thing missing was the Gilligan's hat. I know I really missed an opportunity. I will never know if he actually had feelings for me. Or if 2 people that I trust and respect were just telling me that he did. But I would really like to run into him. Just once. Some place were we can sit and talk. Even if it's just for 5 minutes. ♥Besitos

Heriberto Molina

One of the most talented people, that I've ever had the honor to meet is don Heriberto Molina. "El Maestro." You can read more about him here. But he trained to sing. In a monastery of all places. Later, he learned the violin so that he could play in a mariachi. Not just any mariachi either, Mariachi Vargas de Tecalilitlan.

I've had the honor to train with him. His vocal training is the best out there. And if you ever have the chance, don't pass it up. He has so much knowledge to share. In everything from breathing, wording, performing, stance, and presentation. This is what you call a "God given talent." El Maestro, he just has the talent. It's just there. And he is so willing to share it.

And if you're ever lucky enough to sit down and talk with El Maestro. Don't pass that up! He is so hilarious! And has decades of amazing stories to tell. I'm telling you, he is one of the most talented people I have ever known. And kind, oh so kind. ♥Besitos

Happy Birthday!

Today is my oldest, and dearest friend's birthday. She 27. And we've known each other since we were 5. It's been a while since we chatted. But I never forget her birthday. I sent her a quick e-mail early this morning. Just sending her good wishes. I wish we didn't live so far away. I miss our silly girl talk. And all the crazy things we did together. Let's just say, we learned a lot together!

She is the kind of friend that somehow becomes family. You don't see it happening. It just does. And then, one day, you're inseparable! You do everything together. But with age, comes life lessons that we all learn. And my best friend was moved across the country.

I still miss those days. The ones when we'd sit and chat about everything and nothing at all. We just knew what the other was thinking. We'd sit and eat chicken nuggets and talk about boys. We were a pretty hilarious pair. I just hope she has the best birthday ever! ♥Besitos

It's Time to Call the Professionals

There are a lot of things that I am able to do for myself. A lot. Especially for a woman. A woman that grew up, not even knowing how to pump her own gas. Yes, I have learned quite a lot! Mostly through experience. At 18, I moved out on my own. Into my own home. Yes, I bought a house when I was 18. I think I was crazy! But the lessons began.

A month into living here, the hot water knob in the shower broke. In the "On" position. And I didn't know anyone that lived here, in the town I had moved to. At 4 something in the morning, I call my dad. I got the run down of how to turn the water off. Um, my house was built in the late 1940s. There are no turn off valves. Another call, and I was digging in the dark, into the main water valve. You know the box. Usually in your front yard, that connects you to the city. Fighting off the bugs, I turned the water off.

About a year later, I went without hot water. For a month! Yes, a month. I didn't know what was wrong. Finally, my dad asked if I had a burnt fuse. I did. I figured out how to get the 2 out and went to Home Depot. I learned all about fuses. I learned. The man thought I was crazy. But I bought 12.

I went on to learn how to fix my lawn mower. How to change sprinkler heads. How to turn my heaters on and off. Even how to fix the leak in my roof. Basic things, that I think every woman should know. I still struggle at changing light bulbs in my hallway and outside. I am a little vertically challenged here. Even with the 6 foot ladder. But hey, in my defense, these 2 lights are extremely high.

But when it comes to household things, I have had to learn out of necessity. Almost all of my family lives 3-4 hours away. My friends, well I probably know more, than most of them. It leaves me. And occasionally, I will ask my neighbor. Because I have no boyfriend, husband, etc. That is the major negative to being single. Having to fend for yourself in these situations.

This time, I can't fix the problem. I had this problem about 6 years ago. All the water that drains from the sinks in the house, or the washer, comes up the drain in my shower. UGH! Because of the 1940s plumbing, I have to call a plumber. And he gets on the roof and does something. I don't know what. But after about an hour, it is fixed. I hand him a big check, and he drives away.

About 2 weeks ago, my problem was back. Well, my washer died about 2 years ago. So I don't have to worry about that. But every time I wash dishes, or my hands, or whatever, I get ugly black water coming up the drain in my shower. Not a huge problem. I can use the other bathroom. Except, the guy that was re-tiling it, well he flaked. And that bathroom now has huge holes in the walls. So I have a problem.

It's not an emergency. Not like when I had hot water spraying out my shower and had to immediately turn it off. But in a little over a month, I will have visitors. What am I supposed to say then? So I am digging up the plumber's number. I wish I could learn how to fix this problem. Because I know it will happen again, in a few years. And I don't have man that is here to fix all my crisis for me. ♥Besitos

What My Dad Taught Me...

Over the years, my relationship with my dad has been both good, and strained. I guess it just depends on the time frame we are talking about. Probably because my dad was 50 years old when I was born. We had different views on life from day 1. I was a product of his 2nd relationship. He, my mom, and I were a family. But they worked all the time. And I grew up very much the loner. Very much on my own. With little to no rules. But tons of expectations.

My parents, though they were not aware of it, taught me to be a very independent mujer. The kind that tries to do everything on her own. As a kid, I was resourceful. I figured out that reading helped pass the time. In a very quick manner. Because my parents were growing their business. And I was not really a planned kid. But I was there. And they had to deal with me. Even if the demands of their business seemed to scream louder.

I learned that teachers could be more than teachers. They could be friends. And family. From the time I entered pre-school, to my current days in college, I look at teachers as being friends. People I can have a relationship with. And I can learn from.

But my Dad taught me some things, that I am sure, even he doesn't realize. He taught me the way a man should treat a woman. And the only way, that I will ever tolerate, a man treating me. I know that I need to be loved and respected. Not always in that order. But always the 2 together. I should never give all of myself to anyone, until they have proven to be kind hearted and loving to me. And I don't just mean in a physical nature. But in an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual way.

My dad was also sure to tell me, that I could be anyone or anything, that I wanted to be. I don't necessarily think he really meant "anything," because he frowned quite badly, at the idea that I would be a musician all my life. And not a doctor or a lawyer. But I understood, the sky was the limit.

One of the biggest lessons, that I ever learned though, was never to be completely dependent on anyone. This has come back to bite my Dad in the ass more than once! Because I am independent to the point that I sometimes do without basic necessities. Rather than to ask him or my mom for help. Yes, I have been known to go without food, because I need to make a tuition payment. Or to do without heat, because I simply couldn't afford it.

But the positive side to all of that, is this. I know that I should never, ever be completely dependent on a man for money, love, status, self-worth, or anything else. I need to be a complete person on my own. Then I can search for love. But I can't forget who I am, once I find that love. I need to stay true to myself. And at the same time, completely give of myself, to my partner. I know lots of people won't understand that. But I do.

I have learned to rely on myself. To dream up a goal, and to make a plan. Sometimes we veer off course, but the plan helps us to see the goal in mind. Since I was a wee one, my dad instilled saving money for tomorrow. I am very grateful for that. Had it not been for that, who knows where I would be now. At 26, I have a home of my own, a fairly new car, and I go to school pretty much debt free. Yes, there are plenty of sacrifices that have to be made. But I have a home that is mine. A car that is mine. And I usually have the basic necessities, that I need in life. I would never have guessed at 18 years of age, that I would buy a home. But I did. Because I was taught to think about my future.

As a kid, I also got more "stuff" than most kids. I think it was a way for my parents not to feel guilty when they left for work trips. Or when they sent me, to stay with my grandparents, for the entire summer. But I had every Barbie, Little Pony, or toy that I really wanted. I was not happy though. I was spoiled. But not like a rotten kid. And if I could have, I would have traded all of that stuff, for more time with my parents. Or even a sibling.

But the thing, I never really sat down and realized as a kid, was that my dad was teaching me things. He taught me by example. Whether it was good or bad. He even taught me what I should expect and look for in a life partner. Yes, I got diamonds and a new car. But it was his way of showing me that anything was possible with a goal in mind. He showed me not to just "settle" for the first man that came around. But that there are good guys out there. The kind that will give up a trip with their buddies, to buy their wife an anniversary present. Or to buy a home for their family.

You see, my dad dropped out of school in the 8th grade. But today, he has a very successful business. The kind that has him on the BBB's Top Employers List. My dad may be lacking in education. But he has never lacked in determination or will. That right there, was a priceless lesson he taught me. A little sacrifice never killed anybody.

Along the way, it hasn't always been easy. There have been times when I thought we were on completely different planets. But I now realize that my dad sacrificed so much, to give to me. Ya, I didn't have a perfect childhood. But I did get to take violin lessons. We had food on the table. I never grew up "wishing" I could go on a school trip. He didn't make it easy. Not by any means.

I had to have straight A's. No questions asked. I never missed a day of school, or a single class from kindergarten to graduation. I got a car. But with certain expectations. I did more fundraising, than any other person in my school. Ya, I sold the chocolate, and those dumb Applebee's apples. And I am sure, if I wasn't so darn hard headed, my parents would probably help me now with my tuition and books. But my dad taught me well. Sometimes too well. To the point that I know, one day, I will have to give up some of my selfish independence. Because I know, somewhere out there, there is a man that is going to love me, even more than my dad loves me. ♥Besitos