Serenity

I'm learning more and more, as life speeds on by, that I'm in no way, "in control" of my life. At times, I've liked to think, that life was going "the way I wanted it to go." These days, I realize more and more, that's not the way things go.

With my Dad's ongoing illness, moving to my hometown for nearly 2 years, and really letting all control of my life go...well you realize these things. Sometimes without realizing it. But at the same time, not really fighting to keep that tight control.

I can't remember the last time, I slept in. Or went to my home. That once short, 3 hour drive, seems like an entire lifetime ago. My quiet, well "put together" and simple home, is a distant memory. I think the last time I was home, was back in November. And playing and singing, gosh, it's been months since I last performed. You know, a real gig.

But these are things that I'm willing to sacrifice. I'm realizing more and more, with each passing day, that this is my life. My parents were older when I was born. My Dad was 50 years old! And it never bothered me. I never noticed those things. Until the bottom fell out. And my Dad got sick. And mi abuelita was put in a nursing home. And mi abuelito past away. Then life hit me. Smack in the middle of a shift in the PICU. I realized, I'm just one little piece to this complicated puzzle. A puzzle, were every single piece is needed.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer was one, that sat in mi abuelita's kitchen for years. I can still see the little plaque. Made of wood, with black lettering, and the most simple gold designs. I'd read it over and over again, while waiting for breakfast. At the time, I never quite understood the words. What they meant. Or how much, I was going to have to really trust in a higher being. But now I do.

Serenity: the state or quality of being calm or tranquil. There were times in my life, when I could describe my own life, as being serene. When the craziest things I dealt with, were tuition payments, final exams, and the constant schedule of gigs. I've heard others describe me, as being a serene person. Especially during my round in the emergency room.

I don't know if I could ever really consider myself a serene person. One that was really calm, inside and out. I bottle much of my emotions up. I hold people at arms length. I only let so much of my true self, out. But I'm learning more and more, about my positives. About my true calmness. My character.

This has really hit home as of late. After an amazing day yesterday, one that I had not expected, the bottom fell out again. But we're still trucking along here. What else can we do? Put a smile on, crank up 89.1, and enjoy a bowl of chili and beans. I guess that's another lesson mi abuelita taught me along the way. :)

♥Besitos

Weekend Wrap Up

So this weekend, my parents came to visit me. Obviously, it was a holiday weekend. And they had 3 days off. Um, they haven't been here since Christmas. So it was a nice visit. :)

They came late Friday night. Nothing too major happened. My Mom and I stood up talking. My Dad was in bed by 11PM. But Saturday, we had a full and fun day. It started with my Mom making the best breakfast ever! OK, so before going to bed, my Dad put a pot of beans on. Saturday morning, they were perfect! OMG! My Mom also made fresh tortillas, yummy chili, papitas, huevos, and bacon. It was so yummy!

After breakfast, we headed to the Farmers' Market. My Dad sat and listened to the music. My Mom and I did some shopping. We bought some yummy fruit and veggies. I really like buying food that's fresh like this. We also bought some fresh bread. Oh, and some cookies to snack on while we were there. Those were my Dad's favorites. :)

I also managed to do a little shopping for my Goddaughter. Yup, I bought Sarita some presents. Her birthday is next month. A book, some Muertos, and a hat. My Mom and I also picked up a few barrette's and hair ties for ourselves. It was such a relaxing morning. So much to see and do.

Later that day, we went to eat at the new Chinese place in town. OMG! They gave us so much food. I was lucky to eat 1/3 of it! But honestly, we were just trying to get out of all the heat. We also made our way to Hobby Lobby. Of course, my Mom and I spent almost 2 hours in there. We bought all sorts of things. I needed some supplies to finish up some projects. And my Mom bought some fabric. And a bunch of beads. We then went home and relaxed for the rest of the evening.

Sunday we went to church. And of course, my Dad had to go to VI for breakfast. Makes me laugh. But he really enjoys the place. Then we headed back to my house. To work on some projects. It took us a while, but we fixed my gate. And did a little weed pulling. My Mom worked on the leak in the roof. And well, we just got some projects done.

While my Dad took a nap, my Mom and I decided that we wanted to have a BBQ. So I pulled out some meat and we wrote up a list. Wally World wasn't too bad. We were in and out, in about 20 minutes. And then, I was grilling. We had hamburgers, hot dogs, chili beans (homemade!), grilled veggies, calabacitas, and papitas. A lot of food, huh? I know! I had a burger, and lots of veggies. Not too bad.

We also had dessert. Ice cream and chocolate chip cookies! :) It was so yummy. And relaxing. We sat out in my yard. Under the shade. And just enjoyed the evening. My Mom and I watered all the flowers and plants. And just relaxed.

Monday morning, well it proved a little difficult. My parents wanted to eat out. But everything was closed. All of my favorite little places. Finally we found a place open...Los Compas. It was so yummy! But it did take over an hour, to find a place to eat. After breakfast, we headed to Home Depot. Who doesn't like that place?

My Dad was looking for some fence things. Oh and a new kitchen drain thing. My Mom and I were looking at all the plants. We ended up buying 2 bushes and 2 pots of flowers. My Mom and I split them when we got back to my house. I ended up with 3 separate plants of one kind, and 2 of the other. My Mom got one of each. And we each got 3 separate flowers from one pot!

We had such a nice weekend. Just hanging out. Doing a little bit of shopping. And well, just enjoying each other's company. It was nice to have them back here. And I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I didn't need to go shopping. But it was a nice thing to do. Just to hangout with my Mom. And I really enjoyed working with my Dad. Hopefully, they won't take another 8 months to come and visit again! ♥Besitos

Fun Saturday

I've really had a nice weekend thus far. I had a good show on Friday night. A really good one actually. I just need to find a Mariachi that is from "The City Different." It would make my life a whole lot easier! But because Zo and a few other friends were in town, I was able to pull a group together for the show. :)

Yesterday, it was busy. And crazy! I went home. To my parents home. Only after a morning run in "The City Different." If you were driving around, yes that was me. In the shorts and tank top. Running on one of their main streets, at 5AM! My parents and I went out to breakfast and then, we had to do some quick birthday shopping.

I head out to a friend's house. And we started decorating and cooking. One of the girls that performs with me, she's getting married. And we were throwing her a Lingerie Party. After all the prep work, I headed to the other side of town. For a birthday party. It was for a friend's little girl. She was turning 8. I only stayed for a little while. But it was nice to see my parents there too!

And then, I headed out to meet the girls. We took the bride-to-be for a mani, pedi, massage. We all had our hair blown out. And just had a very girly afternoon. Then off to dinner. I had prepped everything for Tapas. Our favorite! I cooked, and we all talked and laughed. Before long, the place was packed with friends!

We played games, ate, danced, laughed, opened presents, relaxed, and embarrassed the soon-to-be-Mrs. It was such a fun night. With some of my very best friends! I always enjoy spending time with them. And I can't wait until the wedding! I'm sure, the Mr. will appreciate all the loot from the party too! ♥Besitos

Busy as Heck!

It's been a bit crazy around here. I should be at my home. Getting ready for a new semester. But I'm still at my parents' house. They start the new work year tomorrow. They've had a couple of in-service days so far. But the big day is tomorrow. Which means a ton of work! And I've been busy. Oh so busy. :)

Yes, as much as I HATE this company. I'm here. Doing lots and lots of paperwork. Getting everything together. And answering the phones. My parents are out picking up equipment. And I'm here. Enduring it all. Including the heat. I just want to crawl in a hole. Because these phones are never ending!

But I'm heading home tomorrow. I have to. No more puddling about. I have to go clean my yard. I can just imagine the jungle it has turned into. And I start classes on Thursday. You have no idea how much I don't want to go back. But I must. I need to graduate in my lifetime.

Honestly, at the moment, all I can think about is eating. I missed breakfast. And lunch. It's been that busy. And I haven't been sleeping well lately. So I'm honestly ready to head home. To sleep in my bed. Shower in my bathroom. And just have some much needed privacy. The couch isn't too fun. But it's been a fun trip home. And I'm glad I could be here to help my parents. I just wish I could do more. ♥Besitos

The City Different

Today, my parents and I decided to head up north. My Mom needed to get away. And we had heard that the Indian Market was happening this weekend. So after church and breakfast, we headed north.

An hour later, my Mom and I were trying to find a parking. There were so many people in town. We hadn't forgot about the Church Celebration. But we didn't think that there would be that many people there.

My Dad's leg is still bothering him. So we met up with him and walked him to the Plaza. Where he sat and watched people while my Mom and I looked around. We did a little bit of shopping not much. Just a few things for my best friend's baby girl. Who will be here before we know it! And my mom bought me a little jewelry box. Mostly, we just enjoyed looking at all the shops. And getting so many ideas for our upcoming Craft Fair.

By the time we got back to my Dad, he had found some good entertainment. "Balloon Man." If you live in the area, do you know him? He was...well, let's say, he was different. And interesting. But the kids enjoyed all the balloons he made them. One little girl was fascinated by him. And walked away with about 5 different balloon animals and flowers.

It was hot day though. And we were hungry. Honestly, we couldn't decide between the Fajita tacos and ice cream. But the heat won out. And we decided on some ice cream. You have to try the pineapple coconut. It's delicious! It tastes just like a Pina Colada. :) Although, it is a very soft ice cream. And almost immediately, the scoop fell over. And I had a ice cream cone in a cup. A little messy. But delicious! I don't know the name of the place. But it's the only ice cream shop in the main plaza.

We also managed to see the church precession. Which was very nice. And it was nice to just get out and see something new. We never made it to any of the Indian Market festivities. And we only encountered one extremely rude lady. I was going to buy a bracelet. And I guess she thought I didn't understand spanish. In case I haven't mentioned it before, I'm very light complected. After she insulted me in spanish, I said screw it. I didn't need to buy her $200 bracelet. But the day was a lot of fun. I just wish we could have found some Mariachis to listen to. I've been craving some good music.

My Dad was clearly hungry by this time. It was around 5PM. So we decided to head out for some dinner. I was praying that we'd stop at Tomacita's. It happens to be one of my favorite restaurants around. But my parents were wanting to go to the Casino.

We headed back south. And maybe 45 minutes later, we were having dinner. I do believe, I was the only one that ate though. My parents were ready to gamble. And they didn't eat much. Honestly, they had little more than a salad. So while I ate, they hit the slots. We didn't stay a long time. Just a couple of hours. But we had a lot of fun.

We also ran into a cousin of mine and his girlfriend. They're were really winning. In all, I probably lost $3. Which is not bad. And I had a yummy dinner. My parents had a blast! And when we finally decided to leave, we walked out and found that it was pouring!

My Mom and I ran to the car. We still got soaked. But we laughed the entire way. And after we picked up my Dad, we got lost. Yes, between the parking lot and the Valet parking. But all was good and we made it home safely. We actually just got home a few minutes ago.

It was such a fun day. Mostly because I got to spend time with my parents. Which I don't get to do often. And I didn't have to worry about anything. That was also nice. I know that I'm heading back north in about a week. And I'm so excited! It's for work and school. But there are a few shops I want to go to. I really like the city. I honestly wish I could live there. ♥Besitos

Salsa

Today my parents and I headed out to the Salsa Festival. You know, there was a salsa contest. Yum! Not only did everything smell good, it tasted good too!



But it was about much more than bowls of salsa. Although, many of them were extra yummy!



There was tons of amazing Salsa music. We have some really good local Salsa bands. :) And it made me want to dance so badly! Where were all my favorite dance partners?



And of course, there was Salsa dancing! They even did a mini dance lesson. So if you didn't know how to dance to the Salsa music, you would quickly learn. Very cool!

Something that people might not know, I love to go Salsa dancing! A few years ago, I used to go dancing at one of the hotels where I know live. They have a weekly night of Salsa dancing. It was so much fun!

Today we had an incredibly fun day! I'm glad that we decided to come. It was so hot. And there was definitely a little bit of a snag. When we had to run and move my parents' car. They started towing cars. But we had a great time. Too bad it is only a 1 day event. ♥Besitos

Gambling...Again

My parents and I ended up at the Casino tonight. How? I don't know. Um, I was supposed to have gone home. Yesterday. But there I was. At the Casino. Playing some Jungle Fever machine. Don't worry, I didn't lose my pants. Only a few dollars.

Mostly, I wanted to eat at the buffet. Is that strange? I like to go eat at the various Casinos around here. They have such good food. And my parents like to gamble. So that's usually what I do. Go with my parents. Play the machines for a little while. And eat some yummy food!

My parents on the other hand, well they enjoy the machines. They use the whole dinner thing as an excuse to go to the Casino. :) "Dinner" ended up over 8 hours long. In reality, dinner was maybe an hour long. That's how long my parents played the machines for! I think they're a little addicted. Do you ever go to the casinos?

Oh, and we met some really nice people at the buffet. They're actually selling their home. And maybe, just maybe, my brother will buy it. Let's see. It sounds like a nice home. In the NW part of our state. So who knows. Isn't it funny the people you run into at the Casino? And the funny thing is, this man grew up with my grandma! Some 70 something years ago. :)

Well, I should get. We just got home a few minutes ago. And I need to wash my face and brush my teeth. I also have a HUGE urge to practice. As in my vocals. So who knows. I might have to go sit out in the backyard for a little while. ♥Besitos

Last Day

Today was the last day of our Church Fiestas. Is it OK to say that I was disappointed? Over the last few years, it's been hit or miss if I come. I just have had so much work at the hospital. It's tough to get away. But this year, I really wanted to be here.

First the food wasn't all that great. It was much better last year. The fact that I needed a fork and knife to cut through my sopapilla, that was a bad sign. After all, it was drenched in chili and beans. And they ran out of so much early today. Like hamburgers, burritos, and snow cones. How does that happen?

The King and Queen...along with their Court, don't work half as hard as we had to. Do you know that I had to raise over $10,000 to be the Queen? We worked hard. For months and months! This year, they wrote a letter. Yes, a letter! And the committee picked the best one.

Then this afternoon it poured. In the middle of my dinner. Rain was coming in buckets! And there was a horrible band playing. We all had to pile up under the tents, water dripping everywhere. And listening to this band. It was so bad!

What happened to Red Wine? Or any of the good music? Because they were not here. Yes, last night, The Garrapatas played. And we're not even going to get into that. Maybe another day. But the music was amazing! I even got a free CD. I didn't steal it. One of the musicians gave it to me. With a little extra note inside... But today, the entertainment was horrible!

I guess I was just disappointed in the entire thing. We did enjoy ourselves. But you can see where lots of traditions are falling to the wayside. Oh, and our good friends didn't make it either. That was one of the main reasons I came home. I just hope they are OK.

In the end, it was a 50-50 deal. But I'm glad I got to come. I spent time with my parents. I saw family, that I haven't seen in forever! And I got to see some good friends. Oh, and my Mom and I won all but 1 of our Silent Auctions. So I guess I can't complain too much! ♥Besitos

Hombrecito

There's this guy...I met him when I was 18. A rather cute man. One that all the ladies were in love with. I mean all the ladies. From 3-83! And then, there was me. I was shy. Barely uttered 2 words in a 2 hour rehearsal. I was that awkward college freshman.

But there he was. Gorgeous eyes. Curly, somewhat out of control hair, and an amazing personality. I was 18 and very shy. He would make it a point to come and say Hi during every rehearsal. I think his momma just raised him right. It took everything I had to barely mutter the word Hi. Why was I so shy?

For years, we rehearsed together. Years people! Our conversation were never too lengthy. I so badly wanted to join the mariachi he was in. Not just because he was in it. Though that was a plus. But this group was really amazing. And I wanted to learn so badly! But, I was so nervous! I could barely handle being in a mariachi rehearsal at school with him. How was I going to handle the actual group? Well life got busy, and I never joined.

A few years later, I was asked to help bring back the school mariachi. I nervously looked for phone numbers. And I found his messy guy handwriting, on the back of some music. I dialed the number, knots in my stomach, only to get his old roommate. Life was just sucked out of me! So you can imagine my surprise, when I walk into rehearsal. He was standing there. That goofy smile that I loved so much! Holding his guitar.

The summer prior to this, the group I had been playing in back home, came down to play. And I went to see them. He was there. Playing. I thought I was about to die. he looked amazing in his traje. When he started to sing, I halfway thanked God that it was dark by this point. Because I could tell, I was as red as ever! But I sat there and watched. Until nearly 11PM. It was like heaven on earth! :)

So when we started rehearsing again, I was glad I played the violin. I was on the other side of the room. Until our ever so wise professor, thought it was a good idea to put the violins in front of the armonia. And I, ended up standing right in front of him. I could hardly play. And forget when he sang. I couldn't give a reason why, an experienced mariachi like myself, couldn't play Volver, Volver when he sang. I really couldn't.

For about 6 months, we saw each other twice a week. In rehearsal. And as I was going to my lesson. Later, as in a few years later, his friend came to ask me a few questions. Like what I thought about him. He asked me, did I ever think it was weird that the violins had to stand in front of the armonia? Or that his lesson was always before mine. That it took him an extra 10 minutes to pack up, as I was starting my lesson. I guess it was a well orchestrated situation.

If I had only known. If I had not been so shy. Oh and there was that one mariachi conference. Why was I so incredibly shy? He wanted to know so much. And there I was, listening to some lecture about mariachi musicianship onstage!

There was also that time. When the group went on that out of town gig. And I was running. It was in the beginning of February. I was in shorts and a tank top. I know. I'm crazy! But he talked about it for years after. And that night in rehearsal. When I was late. Because I lost track of time at the gym. I was in my sweats. And when I took off my jacket, I could hear him and his friend talking. I don't know what they said. But when I looked up, he was bright as can be. We didn't say much of anything that night.

Time past. He graduated and moved away. I got more involved in my new field. And our paths never crossed. Until today.

I went to eat breakfast with my parents. Just a quick thing. I had gotten up late. Hadn't really wanted to go. But went. My hair was it's usual crazy mess, when I leave it to dry naturally. Half curly, half frizzy, but still wet. I had minimal makeup on. And was lucky to have made it to breakfast. I noticed him out of the corner of my eye. Was it really him? Could it be?

I was done with my breakfast. Had talked to a cousin of mine that was there. And was waiting for my parents to finish up. We were getting ready to leave. But my dad decided to have another glass of water. And, here I was. Seeing this man, he is clearly a man now, walk out of this restaurant. The same restaurant that is less than 5 minutes from my parent's house. For a split second, I wanted to say something. Hi. How are you? Are you still playing? Etc...

But the words escaped me. My parents were sitting there talking about shopping at Costco. And he left. I had felt my heart rate increase. And now, what was I going to do? I sat there. I had just missed the opportunity. Is he living in my hometown now? I have no clue! Was he by himself? I don't know. I seen him walk out alone.

What a mess I am! Why didn't I say something? Then or now...

That folks, is a total screw up on my part. He is an amazing man. I would give anything to hear him play and sing again. My friends, they know that I have this little crush on him. a few years ago, they went looking for him. Good thing, they didn't find him. But they did call him a few times from my phone. I could have killed them! But maybe that's what you're supposed to do. Not be so scared, shy, or old fashioned.

Now all I can think about is that crazy, curly hair. Which he has grown out. Oh, amazing! And those silly shorts that he likes to wear. I swear, the only thing missing was the Gilligan's hat. I know I really missed an opportunity. I will never know if he actually had feelings for me. Or if 2 people that I trust and respect were just telling me that he did. But I would really like to run into him. Just once. Some place were we can sit and talk. Even if it's just for 5 minutes. ♥Besitos

Opportunity Missed

You can tell me I'm crazy. I'm probably going to agree with you anyway. This morning, I was exhausted. And I really didn't want to get out of bed. Or in this case, off the couch. I'm here at my parents' house visiting. And they insist on getting up early. And going out to eat. I'm not a big fan of the VI. So they tempted me with Barela's.

I got up. Went to take a shower. And didn't really care what I wore. Frankly, I just pulled whatever out of my bag. I rain a comb through my wet hair and piled it on top of my head with a clip. No makeup. Let's just say, I'm not a morning person. And this morning, I was not expecting to see a soul that I knew...

And off we went. We dropped my Dad off in the front. My Mom and I parked the car. Once inside, we talked to a cousin of mine and some friends. And sat down. We ordered our breakfast, and began planning our day.

It was a relatively uneventful meal. We joked with some people that sat next to us. We watched people. And I was playing with a little girl sitting at the next table over. Then I saw him...

Yes, the man that I thought walked on water. I met him when I was a freshman in college. Everything about him, was wonderful. His voice, his playing abilities, his looks...everything! But I was/am shy. And I could barely mutter hi to him then. He always made me nervous. I could barely tune my violin in front of him. Let's not even talk about when he would start to sing Volver. But there he was. In the flesh. I haven't seen him in 5 years?

He walked right behind my parents as he left. In fact, he stood there for a minute or 2. He got stuck behind a waitress, that was delivering food to the next table. I swear, my heart was in my throat. I wanted to be nice. You know. And say hi. But how could I? Oh, and my parents were there. They'd want this whole long story. And I can barely talk to this man. So I tried to be invisible. Which I guess worked. Because he didn't see me.

So I let it go. I didn't say a thing. My entire upper body was red. My parents had no clue. They were talking to our cousin. And I felt stupid for blushing. And for not talking to this man.

He hasn't changed much. He grew his hair out. The last time I had seen him, he had shaved it all off. But he still had that wonderful smile...and that contagious laugh. One day, I hope I can at least talk to him. Without getting tongue tied and all flustered. What is wrong with me? I'm not always like this... ♥Besitos

My Big Brother

Today, my oldest brother goes home. We're actually getting ready now. To go pick him up. It's weird. I'm happy, but also worried. I can't explain it. Like something is not completely right. But I'm not going to think about that. Not today.

My Dad is really excited. And my brother is going to be living at my parents' cabin for a while. It's going to be nice to have him near. And now, maybe my Dad will get some more help in the business. I know, it's a lot of work for just him and my Mom. I try my best to help, but I live over 200 miles away.

So this day, it's a mixed blessing. But I hope it's new start for my brother. A positive start. To make something better of his life. To be a better person. I guess only time will tell. But I'm still hopeful. Now, I need to go get ready for the big day. We're all heading back to my parents' house later today. ♥Besitos

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! I know, it's early in the morning. But I'm still up wrapping presents. I'm pretty sure it's tradition in my family. To wait til the last minute. I didn't. I had everything done like always. But my parents had to go shopping yesterday. On Christmas Eve!

Yes, we're at my house this year. And we went to our little mall. Which was jammed packed! And I lost my Mom. How that happened, I don't know. But we made it home. And had a great dinner. My Mom's rellenos are the best! She makes special round one for Christmas. And that is pretty much all I had for dinner. :)

This year, I'm not completely in the spirit. It's just been a tough year. But I did manage to get a Christmas tree up. And some lots around the front window. I find that to be a success this year. Most of all, I'm just happy to be with my parents. Isn't that what the holidays are all about?

Well, I better go get some sleep. Before I know it, it will be time to head to church. And then, make something yummy for breakfast. We're not the type of family that opens gifts first thing. We've never been. But it's still a very fun holiday! Feliz Navidad! ♥Besitos

Feliz Navidad

What can I say? It's almost Christmas. And I'm pretty excited! My Mom just wants to hear a Mariachi play Feliz Navidad. But at this point, I think we're all out of luck. As far as hearing it live. Nonetheless, we're in great spirits around here. My Mom is cooking away. I'm still wrapping presents. And my Dad is relaxing in the living room.

It's a nice Christmas Eve. Thus far. We have to go shopping later. My Dad and I are heading out as soon as we have breakfast. And then, later this afternoon, we're all going to the mall. Can you tell that my parents are procrastinators? ♥Besitos

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving! This is truly one of my favorite holidays all year. I like it much more than Christmas. I think it's because this holiday focuses on family. And time spent together.

My Mom and I are already hard at work with the cooking. We baked lots of pies and bread already. And "Tom the Turkey" is already in the oven. I'm so excited! I'm serious when I tell you how much I LOVE Thanksgiving.

I'm not sure if it's the food, the parade, time with my family, the football, or maybe just my Mom's pumpkin pies. But this is a wonderful day! Have a great and safe holiday! ♥Besitos