Contigo

What a beautiful song! I heard it on the radio this morning. And it just made me smile. Seems very fitting for today. Since I'm hosting a Lingerie Party for a good friend. She is getting married in just about a month.

It kind of makes me wonder about my own future. And if I will ever find someone to share my life with. It's weird. I never thought about this, until the last few months. It's like now, I'm ready in my life. Ready for the next adventure. But I'm a patient person. And when God decides that I'm really ready, well, I'll be here. :)

Hopefully, one day, I'll have an amazing hombrecito to share this song with. And my life with. Until then, I'm going to enjoy the milestones in my friends' lives. Happy Saturday! ♥Besitos

Hombrecito

There's this guy...I met him when I was 18. A rather cute man. One that all the ladies were in love with. I mean all the ladies. From 3-83! And then, there was me. I was shy. Barely uttered 2 words in a 2 hour rehearsal. I was that awkward college freshman.

But there he was. Gorgeous eyes. Curly, somewhat out of control hair, and an amazing personality. I was 18 and very shy. He would make it a point to come and say Hi during every rehearsal. I think his momma just raised him right. It took everything I had to barely mutter the word Hi. Why was I so shy?

For years, we rehearsed together. Years people! Our conversation were never too lengthy. I so badly wanted to join the mariachi he was in. Not just because he was in it. Though that was a plus. But this group was really amazing. And I wanted to learn so badly! But, I was so nervous! I could barely handle being in a mariachi rehearsal at school with him. How was I going to handle the actual group? Well life got busy, and I never joined.

A few years later, I was asked to help bring back the school mariachi. I nervously looked for phone numbers. And I found his messy guy handwriting, on the back of some music. I dialed the number, knots in my stomach, only to get his old roommate. Life was just sucked out of me! So you can imagine my surprise, when I walk into rehearsal. He was standing there. That goofy smile that I loved so much! Holding his guitar.

The summer prior to this, the group I had been playing in back home, came down to play. And I went to see them. He was there. Playing. I thought I was about to die. he looked amazing in his traje. When he started to sing, I halfway thanked God that it was dark by this point. Because I could tell, I was as red as ever! But I sat there and watched. Until nearly 11PM. It was like heaven on earth! :)

So when we started rehearsing again, I was glad I played the violin. I was on the other side of the room. Until our ever so wise professor, thought it was a good idea to put the violins in front of the armonia. And I, ended up standing right in front of him. I could hardly play. And forget when he sang. I couldn't give a reason why, an experienced mariachi like myself, couldn't play Volver, Volver when he sang. I really couldn't.

For about 6 months, we saw each other twice a week. In rehearsal. And as I was going to my lesson. Later, as in a few years later, his friend came to ask me a few questions. Like what I thought about him. He asked me, did I ever think it was weird that the violins had to stand in front of the armonia? Or that his lesson was always before mine. That it took him an extra 10 minutes to pack up, as I was starting my lesson. I guess it was a well orchestrated situation.

If I had only known. If I had not been so shy. Oh and there was that one mariachi conference. Why was I so incredibly shy? He wanted to know so much. And there I was, listening to some lecture about mariachi musicianship onstage!

There was also that time. When the group went on that out of town gig. And I was running. It was in the beginning of February. I was in shorts and a tank top. I know. I'm crazy! But he talked about it for years after. And that night in rehearsal. When I was late. Because I lost track of time at the gym. I was in my sweats. And when I took off my jacket, I could hear him and his friend talking. I don't know what they said. But when I looked up, he was bright as can be. We didn't say much of anything that night.

Time past. He graduated and moved away. I got more involved in my new field. And our paths never crossed. Until today.

I went to eat breakfast with my parents. Just a quick thing. I had gotten up late. Hadn't really wanted to go. But went. My hair was it's usual crazy mess, when I leave it to dry naturally. Half curly, half frizzy, but still wet. I had minimal makeup on. And was lucky to have made it to breakfast. I noticed him out of the corner of my eye. Was it really him? Could it be?

I was done with my breakfast. Had talked to a cousin of mine that was there. And was waiting for my parents to finish up. We were getting ready to leave. But my dad decided to have another glass of water. And, here I was. Seeing this man, he is clearly a man now, walk out of this restaurant. The same restaurant that is less than 5 minutes from my parent's house. For a split second, I wanted to say something. Hi. How are you? Are you still playing? Etc...

But the words escaped me. My parents were sitting there talking about shopping at Costco. And he left. I had felt my heart rate increase. And now, what was I going to do? I sat there. I had just missed the opportunity. Is he living in my hometown now? I have no clue! Was he by himself? I don't know. I seen him walk out alone.

What a mess I am! Why didn't I say something? Then or now...

That folks, is a total screw up on my part. He is an amazing man. I would give anything to hear him play and sing again. My friends, they know that I have this little crush on him. a few years ago, they went looking for him. Good thing, they didn't find him. But they did call him a few times from my phone. I could have killed them! But maybe that's what you're supposed to do. Not be so scared, shy, or old fashioned.

Now all I can think about is that crazy, curly hair. Which he has grown out. Oh, amazing! And those silly shorts that he likes to wear. I swear, the only thing missing was the Gilligan's hat. I know I really missed an opportunity. I will never know if he actually had feelings for me. Or if 2 people that I trust and respect were just telling me that he did. But I would really like to run into him. Just once. Some place were we can sit and talk. Even if it's just for 5 minutes. ♥Besitos

What My Dad Taught Me...

Over the years, my relationship with my dad has been both good, and strained. I guess it just depends on the time frame we are talking about. Probably because my dad was 50 years old when I was born. We had different views on life from day 1. I was a product of his 2nd relationship. He, my mom, and I were a family. But they worked all the time. And I grew up very much the loner. Very much on my own. With little to no rules. But tons of expectations.

My parents, though they were not aware of it, taught me to be a very independent mujer. The kind that tries to do everything on her own. As a kid, I was resourceful. I figured out that reading helped pass the time. In a very quick manner. Because my parents were growing their business. And I was not really a planned kid. But I was there. And they had to deal with me. Even if the demands of their business seemed to scream louder.

I learned that teachers could be more than teachers. They could be friends. And family. From the time I entered pre-school, to my current days in college, I look at teachers as being friends. People I can have a relationship with. And I can learn from.

But my Dad taught me some things, that I am sure, even he doesn't realize. He taught me the way a man should treat a woman. And the only way, that I will ever tolerate, a man treating me. I know that I need to be loved and respected. Not always in that order. But always the 2 together. I should never give all of myself to anyone, until they have proven to be kind hearted and loving to me. And I don't just mean in a physical nature. But in an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual way.

My dad was also sure to tell me, that I could be anyone or anything, that I wanted to be. I don't necessarily think he really meant "anything," because he frowned quite badly, at the idea that I would be a musician all my life. And not a doctor or a lawyer. But I understood, the sky was the limit.

One of the biggest lessons, that I ever learned though, was never to be completely dependent on anyone. This has come back to bite my Dad in the ass more than once! Because I am independent to the point that I sometimes do without basic necessities. Rather than to ask him or my mom for help. Yes, I have been known to go without food, because I need to make a tuition payment. Or to do without heat, because I simply couldn't afford it.

But the positive side to all of that, is this. I know that I should never, ever be completely dependent on a man for money, love, status, self-worth, or anything else. I need to be a complete person on my own. Then I can search for love. But I can't forget who I am, once I find that love. I need to stay true to myself. And at the same time, completely give of myself, to my partner. I know lots of people won't understand that. But I do.

I have learned to rely on myself. To dream up a goal, and to make a plan. Sometimes we veer off course, but the plan helps us to see the goal in mind. Since I was a wee one, my dad instilled saving money for tomorrow. I am very grateful for that. Had it not been for that, who knows where I would be now. At 26, I have a home of my own, a fairly new car, and I go to school pretty much debt free. Yes, there are plenty of sacrifices that have to be made. But I have a home that is mine. A car that is mine. And I usually have the basic necessities, that I need in life. I would never have guessed at 18 years of age, that I would buy a home. But I did. Because I was taught to think about my future.

As a kid, I also got more "stuff" than most kids. I think it was a way for my parents not to feel guilty when they left for work trips. Or when they sent me, to stay with my grandparents, for the entire summer. But I had every Barbie, Little Pony, or toy that I really wanted. I was not happy though. I was spoiled. But not like a rotten kid. And if I could have, I would have traded all of that stuff, for more time with my parents. Or even a sibling.

But the thing, I never really sat down and realized as a kid, was that my dad was teaching me things. He taught me by example. Whether it was good or bad. He even taught me what I should expect and look for in a life partner. Yes, I got diamonds and a new car. But it was his way of showing me that anything was possible with a goal in mind. He showed me not to just "settle" for the first man that came around. But that there are good guys out there. The kind that will give up a trip with their buddies, to buy their wife an anniversary present. Or to buy a home for their family.

You see, my dad dropped out of school in the 8th grade. But today, he has a very successful business. The kind that has him on the BBB's Top Employers List. My dad may be lacking in education. But he has never lacked in determination or will. That right there, was a priceless lesson he taught me. A little sacrifice never killed anybody.

Along the way, it hasn't always been easy. There have been times when I thought we were on completely different planets. But I now realize that my dad sacrificed so much, to give to me. Ya, I didn't have a perfect childhood. But I did get to take violin lessons. We had food on the table. I never grew up "wishing" I could go on a school trip. He didn't make it easy. Not by any means.

I had to have straight A's. No questions asked. I never missed a day of school, or a single class from kindergarten to graduation. I got a car. But with certain expectations. I did more fundraising, than any other person in my school. Ya, I sold the chocolate, and those dumb Applebee's apples. And I am sure, if I wasn't so darn hard headed, my parents would probably help me now with my tuition and books. But my dad taught me well. Sometimes too well. To the point that I know, one day, I will have to give up some of my selfish independence. Because I know, somewhere out there, there is a man that is going to love me, even more than my dad loves me. ♥Besitos