Serenity

I'm learning more and more, as life speeds on by, that I'm in no way, "in control" of my life. At times, I've liked to think, that life was going "the way I wanted it to go." These days, I realize more and more, that's not the way things go.

With my Dad's ongoing illness, moving to my hometown for nearly 2 years, and really letting all control of my life go...well you realize these things. Sometimes without realizing it. But at the same time, not really fighting to keep that tight control.

I can't remember the last time, I slept in. Or went to my home. That once short, 3 hour drive, seems like an entire lifetime ago. My quiet, well "put together" and simple home, is a distant memory. I think the last time I was home, was back in November. And playing and singing, gosh, it's been months since I last performed. You know, a real gig.

But these are things that I'm willing to sacrifice. I'm realizing more and more, with each passing day, that this is my life. My parents were older when I was born. My Dad was 50 years old! And it never bothered me. I never noticed those things. Until the bottom fell out. And my Dad got sick. And mi abuelita was put in a nursing home. And mi abuelito past away. Then life hit me. Smack in the middle of a shift in the PICU. I realized, I'm just one little piece to this complicated puzzle. A puzzle, were every single piece is needed.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer was one, that sat in mi abuelita's kitchen for years. I can still see the little plaque. Made of wood, with black lettering, and the most simple gold designs. I'd read it over and over again, while waiting for breakfast. At the time, I never quite understood the words. What they meant. Or how much, I was going to have to really trust in a higher being. But now I do.

Serenity: the state or quality of being calm or tranquil. There were times in my life, when I could describe my own life, as being serene. When the craziest things I dealt with, were tuition payments, final exams, and the constant schedule of gigs. I've heard others describe me, as being a serene person. Especially during my round in the emergency room.

I don't know if I could ever really consider myself a serene person. One that was really calm, inside and out. I bottle much of my emotions up. I hold people at arms length. I only let so much of my true self, out. But I'm learning more and more, about my positives. About my true calmness. My character.

This has really hit home as of late. After an amazing day yesterday, one that I had not expected, the bottom fell out again. But we're still trucking along here. What else can we do? Put a smile on, crank up 89.1, and enjoy a bowl of chili and beans. I guess that's another lesson mi abuelita taught me along the way. :)

♥Besitos

Last Day

Today was the last day of our Church Fiestas. Is it OK to say that I was disappointed? Over the last few years, it's been hit or miss if I come. I just have had so much work at the hospital. It's tough to get away. But this year, I really wanted to be here.

First the food wasn't all that great. It was much better last year. The fact that I needed a fork and knife to cut through my sopapilla, that was a bad sign. After all, it was drenched in chili and beans. And they ran out of so much early today. Like hamburgers, burritos, and snow cones. How does that happen?

The King and Queen...along with their Court, don't work half as hard as we had to. Do you know that I had to raise over $10,000 to be the Queen? We worked hard. For months and months! This year, they wrote a letter. Yes, a letter! And the committee picked the best one.

Then this afternoon it poured. In the middle of my dinner. Rain was coming in buckets! And there was a horrible band playing. We all had to pile up under the tents, water dripping everywhere. And listening to this band. It was so bad!

What happened to Red Wine? Or any of the good music? Because they were not here. Yes, last night, The Garrapatas played. And we're not even going to get into that. Maybe another day. But the music was amazing! I even got a free CD. I didn't steal it. One of the musicians gave it to me. With a little extra note inside... But today, the entertainment was horrible!

I guess I was just disappointed in the entire thing. We did enjoy ourselves. But you can see where lots of traditions are falling to the wayside. Oh, and our good friends didn't make it either. That was one of the main reasons I came home. I just hope they are OK.

In the end, it was a 50-50 deal. But I'm glad I got to come. I spent time with my parents. I saw family, that I haven't seen in forever! And I got to see some good friends. Oh, and my Mom and I won all but 1 of our Silent Auctions. So I guess I can't complain too much! ♥Besitos

Church Parade and Fiestas

Today, my parents and my aunt and uncle were in our Church Fiesta Parade. Something I did for a while. Because I was the Fiesta Queen. And for about 5 years, I had to be in the parade. Always a lot of fun. But now, my parents are in it. Because they have an old car. And they like to go to various parades and Car Shows.

Then we went to the Fiestas. The whole reason I came home this weekend. So much fun! I still wasn't feeling 100%. But I wanted a Fiesta Burger. Still haven't met a better burger than the ones from our fiestas. My Mom and I also bet on a few things in the Silent Auction. They are so many gorgeous things!

And we listened to lots of great music! Oh, we also shared a burrito. And some popcorn. Which was so yummy! So many friends were there. And we had a great time! Did I mention the music? Ya, it was really good.

But the highlight of my day, was seeing my 2 uncles. One of which, is not doing so well. And he was really excited to see my Dad. So that was good. Then my other uncle (who lost his wife, my Auntie, in March) was so happy to just be out of the house. We really enjoyed just talking.

So tomorrow, we have mass out in the Fiesta grounds. Then another day of the fiestas. I'm pretty excited! The weather has been holding out. So far! But it's supposed to rain tomorrow. ♥Besitos