Serenity

I'm learning more and more, as life speeds on by, that I'm in no way, "in control" of my life. At times, I've liked to think, that life was going "the way I wanted it to go." These days, I realize more and more, that's not the way things go.

With my Dad's ongoing illness, moving to my hometown for nearly 2 years, and really letting all control of my life go...well you realize these things. Sometimes without realizing it. But at the same time, not really fighting to keep that tight control.

I can't remember the last time, I slept in. Or went to my home. That once short, 3 hour drive, seems like an entire lifetime ago. My quiet, well "put together" and simple home, is a distant memory. I think the last time I was home, was back in November. And playing and singing, gosh, it's been months since I last performed. You know, a real gig.

But these are things that I'm willing to sacrifice. I'm realizing more and more, with each passing day, that this is my life. My parents were older when I was born. My Dad was 50 years old! And it never bothered me. I never noticed those things. Until the bottom fell out. And my Dad got sick. And mi abuelita was put in a nursing home. And mi abuelito past away. Then life hit me. Smack in the middle of a shift in the PICU. I realized, I'm just one little piece to this complicated puzzle. A puzzle, were every single piece is needed.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer was one, that sat in mi abuelita's kitchen for years. I can still see the little plaque. Made of wood, with black lettering, and the most simple gold designs. I'd read it over and over again, while waiting for breakfast. At the time, I never quite understood the words. What they meant. Or how much, I was going to have to really trust in a higher being. But now I do.

Serenity: the state or quality of being calm or tranquil. There were times in my life, when I could describe my own life, as being serene. When the craziest things I dealt with, were tuition payments, final exams, and the constant schedule of gigs. I've heard others describe me, as being a serene person. Especially during my round in the emergency room.

I don't know if I could ever really consider myself a serene person. One that was really calm, inside and out. I bottle much of my emotions up. I hold people at arms length. I only let so much of my true self, out. But I'm learning more and more, about my positives. About my true calmness. My character.

This has really hit home as of late. After an amazing day yesterday, one that I had not expected, the bottom fell out again. But we're still trucking along here. What else can we do? Put a smile on, crank up 89.1, and enjoy a bowl of chili and beans. I guess that's another lesson mi abuelita taught me along the way. :)

♥Besitos

First Love...Not That Kind of Love...

I'm knee deep in orders. Of the crochet kind. We have a Craft Fair coming up soon. And I just can't keep up. Not to mention, the 10 babies coming in the next month. I know! Between my friends and family, it just never ends...

But this little set, has been requested. And I might have spent 2 days, at work, searching for this pattern. Yes, between patients. And rounds. Occasionally, while on the elevator. :)

I finally found the pattern. And made sure to save it. To 5 different devices. This was nuts! And websites, they irritate me to death. Once they publish a pattern online, I think it should be made available forever. Maybe that's just me...complaining. But that's that.

I'm just happy to have a pattern. And at least 1 week, to finish this order. Cross your fingers and your toes, that everything else in my life, goes as smoothly. It's been a tough week around here. Please keep my Dad in your prayers. He needs it...

 ♥Besitos

College Friends

Just the other day, I was thinking back to college. Heck, back to high school. I wonder where most of my friends went...

It's definitely not a secret, that I'm ridiculously shy! And even though I tried, there are very few people from my past, that I still talk to. Why? Not even I'm sure of this. Maybe life just gets busy. Maybe my family is so big, that I sometimes puts friend on the back burner. Maybe, we just weren't meant to be friends.

I look back to high school. And the friends I had. I had "cheerleader friends." Almost 100% of them, would not have been my friend outside of our sport. We had a common goal. We talked. But it was nothing ever too deep. I regret that I let a few of those girls, just disappear. Once in a great while, I chat with someone on Facebook. In the first few years that I was out of high school, I unfortunately would stay quiet, when I'd see some of these friends. I regret that!

My closer friends, I tried to stay in touch with them. Most of us went to different universities. Not that it should matter, but just that one detail, had us going in different directions. Others of us, went to the same university, but found different interests. I would say, for the most part, I was on a very different path. I bought a house when I was 18 years old. And was solely supporting myself. Tough stuff.

But college friends. I think of them the most. I don't know why. Maybe because they shaped a lot of my life. We were on the same path. Starting out on our careers. Learning about the world. We spent countless hours studying together. And eventually, beginning our careers together.

M always comes to mind. We met on my first day of college. The only 2 students in the music program, that morning, that weren't in band. We sat and talked. Which became our "routine" for the next year. Eventually, we'd both move on from music. But we'd continue our friendship. Having lunch together, a few times a week. After graduation, boyfriends, and moves...we're still friends. Calling and texting, between field trips and surgeries. It's funny how these things work out.

I think of friends like Mer, Mac, Jeni, Matt, and Jorge. We went through a lot. And I mean A LOT together! But as we'd overcome our obstacles, and pass our classes, we started to lose touch. I had close friends from dietetics and medicine, that I've remained friends with. But these 5 always come to mind. Long hours in class, crazy labs, and even longer hours cramming for exams. I wonder what happened to everyone...

I think of my Target family. 99.9% of us were in college at the time. Struggling with work, going to class, and just flat out staying awake. It was tough! But we made it through all that. I think of Miss "I'm going to sing my worries away." And little Miss Sassy Pants. Our manager was pretty awesome too! From time to time, I'll run into someone on Facebook. Mostly Mr. "I'm going to save the world Fernando." :)

Friendships don't always sail into the sunset, 2 friends laughing away, life going great. Big rifts happen. To even the closest of friends. Like Miss "Wanna be a Chicana, mariachi playing, John Denver loving mujer." We were close. Talking daily. Laughing our cares away. Probably annoying everyone in our path! And then 1 day, 1 disagreement, destroyed our friendship. Maybe I was too quick to react. Or she was too quick to judge. Or we really were not meant to be friends. I guess we'll never really know...

I had a ton of "friends" in music. I don't know if you'd call us friends. We would meet in rehearsal. Some of us, like P and I, would occasionally meet for dinner. Or shopping. Maybe a 2 hour convo on the phone. There was that weird girl, that I just can't remember her name. Just that she played the trumpet, scared me half to death, and stalked me way too long! All because I told her Hi one day...

And that last scary situation, is probably why I kept most people at arm's length. I regret that a lot these days. I think of all the things I could have done, while I was in college. The mariachi groups I could have played in. The people I could have become friends with. But that girl, she scared me to death! And to be honest, I thought they'd all turn into scary stalkers. That somehow, figured out where I lived. That had me, shaking in my boots!

There were nice guys in symphony and mariachi. Yes, I said guys. Because at the end of the day, most of them were guys. They were nice. For the most part. There was A and G that pissed me off one day. And that was it. This fiery Chicana went all Burque on their butts. Walked out of the Mariachi class, and never looked back.

Out of all the people I ever encountered in college, it was the mariachi players, that I wished I had become closer to. They were nice people. Always inviting me to jam, or even join their groups. And there was me...scared to death. Afraid to talk. I do believe that my teacher G, tried some crazy stuff, to get me to connect with these talented musicians. Some days, I swear he was trying to play matchmaker. Maybe it was just bad timing, but before you knew it, I was elbow deep in petri dishes. :)

I often wonder, especially now that I'm home, how things could have worked out differently. I wonder if those few, returned home. To the northern part of our state. I'm pretty sure, that's were P told me, they were from. I wonder if they still play music. If they have a group. If they'd even want a musician like me, to be in their group. Maybe I'm just lonely, and need some musician friends. Maybe I just yearn for those nights filled with music. Maybe, I just need to be a better friend in the future...

 ♥Besitos

Casa de Chimayo

A few weeks ago, I headed up north. It was just for the day. To CSV Hospital. We were doing some "Career Connecting" activities. Trying to improve the health of our state. It was a nice change of pace for me. Something that I needed.

While in the glorious capital city, we hit our familiar road block. Where to eat? This happens all the time. I really need to become pals, with some of our pals to the north. Like usual we headed to Pascual's for breakfast. I can never get tired of this "hole in the wall."

For lunch, we usually head up to Tomacita's. Honestly, it's one of our favorites! Just a little local place. That used to serve up some delicious treats. I say USED TO, very sadly. The last few times we've been there, it has been pretty horrible. I don't know if it was sold recently. Or if the quality has just changed. I tell you, I need to become friends with some locals. They always have the inside scoop.

On a chance outing, Dr. M and I, ran into Casa de Chimayo. Hello! Did we just walk into mi tia's casita? It was so cozy. Cute. And delish!!! One of my new favorite places. If I hadn't been a rush, to get home, I probably would have had dinner there too. No lie!

The food tasted like something my family would cook. At home. The pure red chili. The incredible enchiladas. The frijoles. Holy frijoles! Just like home!!! The way I LOVED this comida, it's a good thing I don't live nearby. I'd be 100lbs heavier! In fact, I should probably go run 10 miles right now. ;)

But for reals, I need to find an amigo or 2, up north. I have a feeling, that I'm going to be working more and more, in our beautiful capital. And I really need to expand my stops in the capital. For the most part, I hang out, in and around the plaza. I'll stop by the outlets from time to time. And maybe, I'll look around the mall. I'm just not too familiar with this town.

I'm definitely not lying about this! I still go to that same Wendy's, that as a cheerleader, we would stop at before and after games. Same goes for the McD's, that we'd have breakfast at, when I was in Student Government. And let's just be honest, until recently, every trip to the capital, included a trip to Tomacita's. Locals, let me know where I should be stopping.

♥Besitos

Hectic Life

How far behind on life am I? Well, that is the last episode of General Hospital that I watched. Um, that's over 3 months ago! People, this was a show that I never missed! Ever! OK, I would catch up on a week's worth of episodes, once a week. Yes, I'd watch all 5 episodes in one day.

But as you can see, it's been a while. I've been so busy! And I haven't even been on schedule at the hospital since July! If I'm this behind in life now, what's going to happen between now and Christmas?

And my family wonders why I'm still single. What man wants to compete with my hectic school and work schedule? ♥Besitos

New Winter Scarf?

This is today's free pattern at Free Crochet. I really like it. And although it's still really hot here, I want to make this scarf. For one, I really love scarves! And two, I just love bundling up in Fall and Winter. I'm thinking it would look nice in a deep red color. Or maybe a light blue. ♥Besitos

Made Me Laugh!

For all sorts of reasons, this video makes me laugh. My best friend was looking up something on YouTube yesterday. And she got this. Low and behold, my guerita best friend watched it! Personally, I think that she is missing home a lot...

Anyway, this just makes me laugh. I know some of the guys in this group. How did she just find this video? I dance somewhat like this when I perform. Albeit, we don't "try" so hard. And we have learned more complicated steps. But that's what we do. By the way, Albert is the better dancer in this video. Do you think they could use a 3rd dancer? :)

But this video just made me smile. It reminded me of home. It reminded me of Mariachi, dancing, and performing. Things that I really miss. I feel like my life is missing a lot at the moment. But mostly, I'm missing all the "Cultura."

I guess what I'm getting at is, that I want to get back involved, full time, in Mariachi again. Or maybe take the leap, and start Ballet Folklorico. Either way, I need to find some live Mariachis to watch. And soon! ♥Besitos

More Dreams

Yesterday, I woke up a little uneasy. Maybe it was the stress of the Baby Shower. Or that I'm surprising my best friend with 2 things today. I don't know. But I had some wild dreams!

My first dream was about D. I had bought my grandparents house in the mountains. And I was living there. I had completely cleaned everything out. And I was doing some major work to the house. Transforming rooms into other things. It was a little nuts to be honest. The yard was all grass. No animals. And lots and lots of flowers.

And I walked out of the house and into the front part of their yard. I had on some jeans, a t-shirt, some old shoes, an apron, and a hanky wrapped around my head. I looked like a little housewife. Covered in dust and what not.

D came out from my grandparents' neighbors' house. Apparently, he had bought the place. And now, we were neighbors. Totally wild! But we decided to head into "town" for a bite to eat. Apparently, the community had a "town" now. With little shops, a restaurant, and a Post Office. So weird! My parents' Car Club was at the restaurant. Having their monthly breakfast.

Sometime between D and I leaving for the restaurant, and us getting there, we became a couple. Crazy! And everyone knew us. Knew that we were together. My Dad actually liked him. It was insanity! I woke up as the 2 of us were walking down the dirt road, back to our homes. Holding hands...

My 2nd dream, well it wasn't much better. It was like I woke up. Rolled over. And went back to sleep. My dream, it had me getting married! I was planning the wedding. The "groom-to-be," I never saw his face. Not once! We shopped, booked various things, planned our wedding.

Heck, we bought a house! It was so wild. But so "life-like." It just made me wonder. What the heck is going on. My dream ended with me and this man getting married. I can still see all the details of our wedding and reception so vividly!

It was nuts. But this morning, I had a totally crazy dream. I was marrying a friend. We'll call him TM. He was once a music teacher of mine. And we became fast friends. After I left the music stuff behind at school, we became even better friends. Isn't that weird how that works? In real life, TM and I are really good friends.

But in this dream, he was still a professor. And I was still a student. A mutual friend, in real life she was one of my best friends, we'll call her LG. Well, LG found out that TM and I were dating. LG and I were students. TM was a professor. And just like in real life, LG was "head over heels" for TM. It didn't leave me in a very good place.

I was studying something different. Something to do with cooking. So it was OK to date TM. We weren't breaking any rules or anything. But one day, LG found TM and I kissing. She blew up and starting screaming at us. Then TM asked what her problem was. Because he loved me. Yes, those were the words he used. He turned around. And I became visible. I had a big wedding ring on. And was visibly pregnant!

What in the world? She ran to the President's office. Which was across campus. And our President said there was nothing wrong with TM and I being married. I was in a different field. He wasn't a professor of mine. LG was very angry. She was yelling at everyone. Couldn't believe I had done this. Then I woke up.

It's crazy! My dreams are becoming more and more vivid. With people I know. Mimicking aspects of my real life. It's a little scary. LG and I are no longer friends. In large part because of TM. But that was a very difficult situation. One that I might blog about down the line. For now, I need to get up and get ready. Hopefully, these wild dreams will end soon. Because I'm really not getting any rest when I sleep. ♥Besitos

Never Forget

September 11, 2001 was one the darkest days in our Nation's history. What a sad and truly horrible day. I was a freshman in college. Just starting out on my own. I had lived on my own for less than 2 months.

That was the day that changed our lives forever. It changed our sense of security. Of trust. Of life. But it's a day that we can never forget. What an important day that was. There were so many heroes, people that gave their lives to help others. And so many innocent lives that were lost.

This image, is forever ingrained in my mind. Along with watching the Twin Towers collapse. That's how my life as an adult began, with this tragic day.

But on this day, 9 years later, I celebrate the lives that were lots. They're what's important. So many lives were changed because of this day. But we'll never forget those who lost their lives.

I have some footage on VHS. And I was slightly tempted to bring it with me. Just to watch and remember. But today, I'm not going to be sad. I'm going to work hard at celebrating so many beautiful lives. And I'm going to live my days to the fullest. Because so many people never got the chance. ♥Besitos

Quick Easy Updo Hairstyle

Today is my best friend's Baby Shower. There is still so much to do! I'm glad that I'm co-hosting it with lots of friends! But, I need to get ready. And since D bought us all a new dress, that's one less thing I have to worry about. Now, my biggest worry is my hair...

Um, the east coast isn't so kind to hair like mine. It's a wreck! I'm not sure what I can do to tame it. And instead of trying to tame it, I'm thinking I'll go "all natural." But I don't want to scare anyone. So I'm going to try this hairstyle when my hair dries. It looks nice. ♥Besitos